Kids and Wine: Why I Can't Stop at Just One

Good things come in threes.  Juice boxes!  Three Stooges!  Six-packs of beer!  (Twice as much good stuff for your set of three!)  And like other good threesomes, ours is currently a three-ring circus of a three-person family.  So why do I feel compelled to add to our headcount?

It was an adjustment to get used to the idea of becoming three.  For nearly ten years, it was just the two of us.  We'd always wanted to add the proverbial third wheel to the mix, but biology was not on our side.  So after enduring months of some pretty invasive testing, a nice doctor made our beautiful baby for us in a petri dish.

And then it was an adjustment to get used to the actual process of being three.  The sleepless nights, the crying for hours on end... and then there was the baby to worry about.  But we did it--and two years later, our happy little family is doing quite well in our happy little routine, despite the occasional (read: daily) tantrum that is the hallmark of the two-year-old child.  But I've never had a vision of a single child; throughout my life, whenever I've pictured my future family, there was always more than one kid in the picture. 

It's time, I realized last year.  Before we get too used to the status quo, we have to get going here.  The method of going about a second child--including the associated costs and procedures--were, and continue to be, legitimate obstacles standing in the way of getting pregnant again.  Unfortunately, though most medical insurance companies are happy to pay for Viagra prescriptions, they are not likely (nor are they legally obligated) to provide coverage for infertility treatment.  That leaves us searching through the sofa cushions for spare change in the amount of five thousand dollars.  Or less appealing, selling our daughter's blood plasma to generate some cash to pay for her younger sibling.  Ha ha!  We'd never do such a thing. Not to a toddler, anyway. 

But beyond that, the truth is... dude, I'm scared.  How do people DO it?  Since becoming a parent to one, I've maintained that, though I don't condone it, I understand how parents are driven to alcoholism.  And even before that second child gets here, how does one endure the pregnancy the second time around?  The first time, I had the luxury of indulging myself with frequent naps and pints of Ben & Jerry's.  Something tells me that this time around, "indulgence" will extend as far as the bare minimum of socially acceptable personal hygiene.  And also?  I've developed a nice set of coping mechanisms for dealing with parenthood, ones that specifically involve the usage of caffeine and alcohol.  And yoga and chamomile tea as equivalent substitutes?  Seriously?  Um, no.

And since we're talking test tube babies, let us not forget the very real possibility that my next pregnancy could yield TWO, and even possibly THREE, babies.  (If that happens, will I be giving birth in a hospital, or in a cardboard box under the stairs?)  The thought of birthing, and then keeping alive, a litter of humans--though something I know I *could* do--is Xanax-level terrifying.   

Yet... I still want to do it.  Giving birth to my daughter, despite the pain medication and the stitches and the crime scene-level of blood involved (and that was just the first year), was the most unbelievable experience I've ever, well, experienced.  I'm blessed beyond belief to be a mother to one, but something tells me that I'm not ready to stop just yet.

Just... pass me one more drink first.