Cool Mom or Enabler?

Being a cool mom, especially to a teenager, can be like running an uphill marathon with your shoelaces tied together. The amount of opportunities available to trip and fall on your face are endless but you sure as hell deserve a medal for showing up ready to race.

A few weeks ago, my 13 year old came home with a field trip permission slip. The 8th grade was scheduled to go to a nearby nature center for a day of outdoor "leadership enrichment" activities. Rock climbing, a zip line adventure and various seemingly painful social exercises were on the agenda. All I had to do was sign a fist full of release forms to seal the deal.

Usually my child, like most I know, will jump up and click her heels together when offered a field trip over a normal school day. This time, however, her body language along with the rest of her told a different story entirely. When I made an offhand remark about how lucky she was to be going on a field trip this early in the school year, she looked at me wide-eyed and as though I was sending her to a convent for the rest of her life.

"Please Mom, don't make me go", she begged.
"Why? What's going on? Are you sick? Is everything alright between you and your friends?"

I verbally poked and prodded trying to get to the meaning behind her surprising reaction to a day off. The best I got before she scowled and made a bee line for her room was, "It's going to be dumb, Mom".

Dumb?

DUMB?

I didn't know how to qualify that so I chalked it up to particularly hormonal phase of the moon and let the subject rest. Days passed and no mention was made of the field trip. I figured that whatever lurked behind her strong aversion had sifted away like sands through the middle school hour glass.

A week later, my daughter got in the car after soccer practice and turned to me with a serious expression.

"Mom, please don't make me go on that field trip."
"Honey...I don't get it. What? Is there gang activity at the 4H Center?"

Yes, I said that. Possibly not the most sensitive remark but I couldn't understand what would make her behave in such a way besides fear. But wait, maybe I was on to something.

My first born is not what you would call a thrill seeker. She's more of a book reader. An animal lover. A fashionista, if you will. But heights and fast moving parts, especially with her in them, have never been her strong suit. So, I asked if possibly she was a little nervous about the rock climbing and the zip line. Bingo. And cue tears. With her fears on the table, she pushed onward for a pass. She couldn't understand why I would "make her" go to through such an ordeal.

Honestly, I was torn. I looked at both sides and even sought some sound advice. What kept nagging at me, though, was the fear.

What kind of mother am I if I shelter my daughter from facing what scares her? From what challenges her both mentally and physically in a (hopefully, because I signed the release forms) safe environment?

But what kind of mother am I to not take the opportunity to think outside the box and realize that my daughter isn't a cookie cutter kid? To miss the chance to have a bonding experience with my child over an issue on which I can easily take her side?

It was a hard decision but in the end, I made her go. I decided that I don't want to ever protect her from learning for and about herself. The price of those lessons is far too valuable.

When I picked her up from the bus after the class trip, I didn't have to ask but I did anyway.

"So, how was it?"
"It was dumb, Mom. Just like I said."

Maybe it was a dumb field trip but she learned it for herself...for whatever that's worth.

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You can find Kimberly in Petroville where she lives and writes daily.
An original DC Metro Moms post