On Earning The Best Wife Ever Badge

This weekend while you all are enjoying a nice, relaxing time with your family recuperating from a busy week of work and school, I will be off earning my Best Wife Ever badge. You say you haven’t heard of such a thing? Since I’m thrilled up to my rolling eyeballs about such a proud achievement, I’ll happily explain.

One qualifies for The Best Wife Ever badge by going beyond the call of duty to make her husband happy. Like donate a kidney beyond. Not only am I selflessly putting my own feelings and beliefs aside to please my spouse, I’m putting myself in an extremely personally painful predicament as well. It’s an honest to goodness win-lose situation with me left holding a big L to my forehead.

This Saturday, I will be surprising my husband with an anniversary present. In celebration of 14 years of the bliss of our union, I am whisking him away to Richmond, Virginia where we will experience a NASCAR race.

Now you are all shaking your heads in understanding.

NASCAR is the bane of my existence for 10 months out of the calendar year. It is the organization responsible for the loss of my husband for 6 hour chunks of time on Sundays and, thanks to the glory of surround sound, the earthquake glue required to reinforce the contents of the china cabinet. It is what has inspired my husband to drive faster, which has led to speeding tickets, which has led to increased insurance rates. NASCAR is also responsible for my skyrocketing DirectTV bill because they offer the popular drivers their own channel. This means you (the male consumer) can pay extra to watch the race from your favorite driver’s point of view. That way, when you think your wife has left the room, you can put your hands back on your make believe steering wheel and imagine that you actually are Little E on his big day of thunder. (I got bonus BWE points for not busting him on that one.)

Besides me tolerating an event that I would normally put in the “I’d rather burn in hell” category, it’s also supposed to rain. Buckets and buckets of rain. And of course, as if just to spite me, NASCAR has no intention of canceling or rescheduling the race due to inclement weather.

So, while you’re all cozy on your backyard patios this Saturday evening, barbecuing and playing catch with the pup, think of me. I’ll be earning my Best Wife Ever Badge the only way I know how - with sheer determination complemented by a soaked, tacky, brightly colored rain poncho and, of course, my trusty flask.

Yes, I’m a saint.

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You can find Kimberly in Petroville where she lives and writes daily.
An original DC Metro Moms post.