Pumping Mania (Pumping at work sucks)

Silly me.

I had almost forgotten exactly how much pumping at work sucks. I wrote almost nostalgically about pumping a little while ago when DC Metro Moms held a Breastfeeding Topic Day. Yet, that was in December while enormously pregnant with our second child. Now, one week back from maternity leave, I suddenly remember how STRESSFUL the whole experience can be. As in, how long can I keep this up without A) ruining my milk supply; B) running myself into the ground with exhaustion; or C) going postal?

For the past week, I've found myself in a largely forgotten (possibly from PTSD) state of mind, Pumping Mania. I don't think Pumping Mania has made it into DSM-IV yet as a bonafide psychiatric disorder, but I'm pretty sure it could be. Pumping Mania requires meeting 5 out of 6 of the following criteria: Time Obsession, Ounces Pumped Paranoia, Meeting/Conference Avoidance, Sleep Deprivation, Guilt Schizophrenia, and Pumping Compulsive Disorder. Sadly, I am a textbook case.

Time Obsession. All day at work, I am completely obsessed with what time it is and when I should optimally pump. Pump too early and maybe I won't pump as much. Pump too late and maybe my son won't have enough to eat when I get home and feed him. I HAVE to leave work by a certain time each day to make his next feeding; I have actually run to the parking lot in heels when running a bit late, picturing a starving, crying baby at home.

Ounces Pumped Paranoia. Will I pump enough to make his bottles? Is it more than yesterday? Less? Will I have to pump tonight to make up for the difference in what he takes? Is my milk supply going to suffer? HOLY COW IS THAT A UFO SENDING SPY ALIENS TO REPORT HOW MANY OUNCES I PUMPED TODAY?

Meeting/Conference Avoidance. But, I can't possibly make that whole meeting AND pump on time, so maybe I'll sneak out early to pump...or just get there late...or OH HELL, screw the meeting.

Sleep Deprivation. bei ofjojjpe fjeof u3ir7030 DOH. Sorry. Just dozed off there for a second.

Guilt Schizophrenia. It would be easier if you just switched to formula. Ho, you are able to breastfeed so you should. What's temporary inconvience for the good of your child you evil wench? Yo, coldhearted beyotch, suck it up and stop your whining. Quiet, voices! The Spy Aliens are talking.

Pumping Compulsive Disorder. MUST PUMP. MUST DRAG FUGLY PUMPING SHOULDER BAG WITH ME WHEREVER I GO. SPY ALIENS COMMAND ME TO PUMP. MUST STOP USING ALL CAPITAL LETTERS BEFORE I IMPLODE.

Each day that goes by, I cross it off the mental calendar in my mind: one more day that I exclusively breastfed my son. I've promised him 6 months. Which makes me wonder if those spy aliens know a cure for Pumping Mania.

Original DC Metro Moms Blog post. Cross-posted at Where's My Cape?