DC Metro Moms

Thank You For Criticizing My Parenting

I should have known better than to bring then-almost-three-year-old Pumpkin to the grocery store just before dinner time.  A hungry tummy + a long day = meltdown, and in the supermarket, it's on display for a hundred of our fellow shoppers.

But a mom's day gets out of control sometimes.  Between meals and snacks, diaper changes, boo-boo soothing, and on top of all that, my eight-and-a-half-months-pregnant-induced exhaustion, we couldn't make it to the store before then.  We needed dinner.  And I needed ice cream (see "eight-and-a-half-months-pregnant," above).

The Trophy Wife Speaks

I have never considered myself a "trophy wife" but after my Uncle's wife referred to me as one this Thanksgiving, I figured I should know what it means.

From About.com:

Definition: The term "trophy wife" generally refers to a successful, powerful businessman's second or third wife who is beautiful, educated, successful, and younger than her husband.

A "trophy wife" is considered a status symbol.

Huh..and here I was thinking I was being insulted. Silly me.

My point here isn't to lure you into my recent drama. Instead, I'd rather discover what normal families, regular, balanced people like you do when they run face first into the brick wall that is holiday togetherness. Please tell me it's bad all over. Or tell me how to cope. That I'm not alone. Or just how many miles I need to live from my relatives to escape the annual friction.

Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind by Phillip Done: A Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Club

Who are those people who spend so much time with our kids every day at school? We are often so wrapped up in parenthood, that we take those who engage in teacherhood for granted. Join us as Silicon Valley Moms Group bloggers talk about Phillips Done's latest book Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind. 

• Michele from Silicon Valley Moms Blog leads us off to the middle of nowhere and the road to everywhere
• Bonggamom from Finding Bonggamom asks what do you get your child's teacher for Christmas?
• Leticia from Tech Savvy Mama gives us a list of the best gifts for teachers (by a teacher!)
• Melanie from Tales from the Crib values those who have been gifted
• Stacy from Fabulous Miss S remembers some of her favorite teachers 
• Heidi from Coast 2 Coast Mom warns what's said at home doesn't stay at home
• Julie from Just Precious still has her teacher mode
• Jill from Musings from Me says third-grade has been pivotal for her children
• Aimee from Smiling Mama talks about amazing teachers
• Rebecca from Life With Boys does a tribute to teachers
• Chefdruck from Chefdruck Musings moves on to planning for career #12
• Max from The French Mommy Born in California gets "a little inspiration" 
• Jessica from It's My Life remembers visiting a new school
• Linsey from Me Too You talks about the messys and the tiddys
• Erica from wellthoughtoutspot shares her reflections of a public school newbie
• Nicole from Not Just a Working Mom sometimes just has to laugh
• Akemi from Chalk and Cheese meets the world in fourth grade
• Robyn from Who's the Boss describes what a third grade teacher shouldn't be
• Kimberly from Tippy Toes and Tantrums brings her daughter to her first author meet and greet
• Shanna from 3 Cute Kids sees the value of a great teacher
• Angela from Domestic Blitz sees a thimble full of hope

Mr. Done (rhymes with Phone!) gave us a special treat last week, doing a private reading and book signing with bloggers from Silicon Valley Moms Blog and some of our school-aged kids. He made us laugh, he made us cry. Thank you Mr. Done!

Silicon Valley Moms Blog is hosting the book club discussion this month. Please go here to leave a comment and join in the discussion.

Past Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Topper
• Do One Nice Thing by Debbie Tenzer
• Birth Day by Mark Sloan, M.D.
• What Happened to the Girl I Married? by Michael Miller
• Testimony by Anita Shreve
  
• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
  
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
  
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Click here to read all about the Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Club.

This is not a paid for post. The publisher of this book did provide free copies to Silicon Valley Moms Group bloggers to use for this book club.

So, who will take care of us?

I'm the mommy. When any of my four my kids get sick, I take care of them. When I get sick, my husband takes care of me (He's the daddy.). When my husband gets sick, I take care of him. You see how this goes. It's all pretty straightforward and generally works out really well. But what on earth are you supposed to do when BOTH the mommy and the daddy are sick? Who is supposed to take care of us?

Are the kids supposed to step in and run the house? Well, for several days over the past week the kids did just that. They basically took care of themselves, and also entertained their one year old sister as much as three 6 and 9 year olds can, But, we discovered that we do not have a support system in place at all. I thought that my list of folks to call in case of an emergency would suffice, but now I see that that's not the case. Those folks are really for emergencies - not much else. They can step in short term but not for any length of time. Who am I supposed to call if we really do go down for the count again? We have no family in town, no friends close enough to pop in each day to see if we are still alive and kicking, and no classmates near enough to drive the kids to school. This time it was hacking and coughing and low grade fevers for a week, so we could actually drive them around.  But what happens to the kids if we both get really sick again and can't get in a car (or shouldn't)? How are they supposed to get to and from school, gymnastics, soccer, etc. Clearly those things would fall aside, as some did this week, but school? What if we run out of groceries? Everywhere I went this week I was aware of the fact that I was spreading the nasty bug that was residing in my chest. And this one was a minor bug I'm sure - no pandemic in me. But what if I do get the swine flu, and my hubby gets it, and what if we have to get a kid to the doctor, or school, or anywhere? Who can step in and take care of us? At this point I'm at an absolute loss.

Making the Hard Decisions Are Hard

I've written before about the problems my 4 year old was having in preschool. And after evaluation after evaluation, we finally came to the obvious conclusion, we needed to change schools.  While this school came highly recommended, and many children succeeded there, it was not working for my child.

But it was so hard to finally make that decision.  Michael was happy at school, at least he told us he was.  He had friends there.  We just started this school in September.  We just moved houses.  Was now really the time to subject this child to another change?

But sometimes, being a parent is about doing something you know your child is going to hate, even when it is in their best interest.

Baby? Maybe

I have been sitting on this baby fence for a long time now and am afraid of which way to jump. I have two wonderful kids--a boy and girl--who keep me so busy that I can barely keep up on my blog posts here.

When my husband and I got married, we always said we wanted three children. My current Baby Bunch rocked my world in such a way that until the youngest was three I was unable to even imagine adding more chaos into the house. (Yes, I was just that scarred!) And now that my kids are 4 and 5 1/--and I'm nearing 35--I feel I either need to piss or get off the pot.

Only recently have I felt like I've gotten back to my self--working part time again, able to keep up with daily chores, pay attention to my husband and still be there for my kids when they get home at noon. Although, I will admit I don't do any of these with the precision I wish I could, (the laundry/cleaning seems to lag the most) but when all is said and done, I can finally yell out confidently "I'm back!" only 4 years later. Really, how sad is that?

Enter in the recent thought of Baby #3.

Transgressions: A Suburban Mom's Open Letter to Tiger Woods

Somewhere between pregnancy two and four, I became a news junkie.  But obsessively following headlines sometimes gets to me (though maybe it's just pregnancy hormones), as my open letter to Tiger Woods shows.
 

Dear Tiger,

This morning as I shuttled my children to school, stocked up the refrigerator at Costco, shopped for holiday gifts for my in-laws, and sat waiting in the preschool carpool lane in my minivan, I couldn't help but think of you. 

I admit, until a few days ago, I didn't know anything about you, other than your name, that you play professional golf, have a lovely wife and young children--and that you've apparently golfed at the resort where I declared my first child officially potty trained.  But thanks to the radio, Twitter and CNN, I now know a little bit more about you--more than I probably ever need to know.  Oh, before I forget (that's mommy brain for you), don't worry, I'm not writing to tell you that your number is on my cell.

I'm a busy suburban mom, trying to do it all like every other mother I know. Quite frankly, that doesn't leave me much time (and I confess, I simply don't have the interest) to follow you or the intimate details of your personal life--it's your life and I respect that.  No offense, okay?  

Terra Cotta Warriors Worth the Wait!

I think we were one of the first families to purchase tickets many months ago for the Terra Cotta Warrior exhibit at National Geographic that opened last week.  I know we have a special reason to jump on anything with Chinese culture since our fourth-grader was adopted from China and we do whatever we can to stay connected with her birth culture.

My only hesitance was the fact that she, as most nine-year-olds, is not a fan of the museum outing!  Lucky for us this tied in very nicely with planning our first trip back to China with her next year, which will include a stop in Xi'an -- the home of the Terra Cotta Warriors.

I'm happy to say, she was mesmerized. (Unlike Washington Post art reviewer Blake Gopnik).

Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind by Phillip Done: Join us for Silicon Valley Moms Group's next Book Club on Monday, December 7th

What is it like to be a teacher? As parents, sometimes we might wonder how teachers do all they do? Is it the hardest job in the world? Or the funnest? A little of both? Join us on Monday, December 7th as we discuss Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind: Thoughts on Teacherhood by Phillip Done for our next book club. 

About the book: A twenty-year veteran of the classroom, elementary school teacher Phillip Done takes readers through a lively and hilarious year in the classroom. Starting with the relative calm before the storm of buying school supplies and posting class lists, he shares the distinct personalities of grades K-4, what he learned from two professional trick or treating 8-year-old boys, the art of learning cursive and letter-writing, how kindergartners try to trap leprechauns, and what every child should experience before he or she grows up. 

These charming, sweet, and funny tales of Mr. Done's trials and triumphs as an award-winning schoolteacher will touch readers' hearts and remind them of the true joys of childhood. We all have that one special, favorite grade school teacher whom we fondly remember throughout our adult lives - and every teacher also has students whom they will never forget. This is the perfect book for teachers, parents, and anyone else who is looking for a lighthearted, nostalgic read.

Read along with us: Buy your copy of the book today and get ready to discuss with us on Monday, December 7th. See you at book club!

Past Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Topper
  
• Do One Nice Thing by Debbie Tenzer
  
• Birth Day by Mark Sloan, M.D.
• What Happened to the Girl I Married? by Michael Miller
• Testimony by Anita Shreve
  
• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
  
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
  
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Click here to read all about the Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Club.

SAD

At the beginning of every autumn, I look forward to colorful trees, cooler weather, apple-picking, and Halloween and Thanksgiving.  I become giddy at the thought of one good snowfall--but only one, please.  However, every autumn also brings me to a period of mourning.  For summer...lazy days of sunshine...those days of soda and pretzels and beer...

It reaches a point where I withdraw into myself and find little to no happiness in things that normally I enjoy.  I sleep a lot.  I am sluggish and slow and moody and not myself.  All my normal activities become chores, and The Husband knows to allow me to have as much time with my bed as possible.  

Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Call it what you will--the winter blues, winter depression, whatever.  I have it, I suffer from it, it affects me.  For years, I refused to acknowledge its presence in my life, thinking it was all in my head and that it would go away if I pretended the symptoms weren't there.  However, there is no ignoring the symptoms that have persisted despite all my best efforts to stave them off.

Waiting for the Flu

My family hasn't gotten the swine flu yet. (Knockonwood! Knockonwood! Knockonwood!) We also haven't been able to find a swine an H1N1 flu vaccine—or seasonal flu vaccine, for that matter. Consequently, we're waiting, waiting, waiting. And I'm starting to see H1N1 around every corner.

The day before Thanksgiving, my son Jack went to school with no signs of being sick. An hour later I got a message on my cell phone from his school that included, "Jack threw up everywhere this morning..." 

I saw that I had that message when I was picked up my phone to call my son Quinn's preschool to tell them I was turning the car around because he started retching in his seat on the way to school. 

Oh, no, I thought. It's here. H1N1 has arrived. And just in time for Thanksgiving! 

Revisionist History

We took a trip for Thanksgiving.  To the Land of Revisionist History.  Maybe you've been there.  It's the place where everyone else in your family remembers how quiet and well-behaved THEIR kids were.  And what strong disciplinarians THEY were.  And how their kids responded to said discipline with respect.  Not JUST respect, but actually, GRATITUDE.  Because they had such excellent parents who were so, you know, organized and on-the-ball.  And strict!  Don't forget strict.  Because they were.  And their kids LOVED it.

It's funny, because the memories I have of the other kids in my family are slightly different.  It's the Land of Remember the year we all had to get up and change places because we weren't sitting where a 3-year old wanted us to?  Remember the Pictionary games that got taken over by kids who couldn't read or draw?  Remember the spills and the tantrums and the wrestling and the arguments?  Remember the tired parents who sunk into the couch, clutching a wineglass, praying that someone else would watch their kids for 20 minutes?

Those are the family gatherings I remember.  And, isn't that the way holidays always are with kids?  They are wound up like tops with excitement.  There are uncles to wrestle.  Cousins to pester.  Houses to explore.  Unfamiliar foods to be treated with suspicion.  Scratchy sweaters to complain about.

My First Black Friday Shopping Trip!

Well, I finally did it.  I went against years of eye rolling and head shaking... and I joined the shoppers in the early morning on Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving.

I had previously sworn off Christmas shopping even on weekends- due to crowds.  I had always shopped strictly on weekdays, when parking is easy and crowds are... nonexistent.

But the deals that were being advertised got me, and the desire to surprise my parents with a laptop computer this Christmas...

So there I was, dropped off on the sidewalk in front of Staples... at 7:45am.
(Please; I wouldn't forgo regular sleep for shopping; 7:45 was early enough.)

I walked in.  People were shopping, but it wasn't crazy.  I was told there was a 'laptop area', approached it, and within a few minutes I was being helped.

Every employee was really well informed, and helpful.  The assistant manager who helped me with the laptop, also helped me find the 50%-off shredder I had seen in the paper (my gift to myself- I've always wanted a paper shredder for some reason AND I got it in 'sapphire'- gotta love Christmas shopping.)

Her Spouse Left Her. What Should Her Friends Do?

I just got off of the phone with my best friend who shared news about one of our closest friends from college.  Knowing this new information explains a lot—why our friend has been out of touch for the last year, why our invitations to get our growing families together have gone unanswered, and why this friend has seemed closed-up and cold on the rare occasions that she and I connected on the phone.

Her husband left her. 

They’ve been separated for almost a year. 

He left her even before their second child was born, when she was several months pregnant.  Divorce papers are in the works. 

How did I not know this? Sure, she’s a few states away, but not more than a two or three hour drive.  What kind of friend am I that I haven’t been there to support her during this extremely difficult time? 

The second after I hung up the phone, I put two of my kids down for their rest times, and I sat down to check my email.  The first one I read was from a fellow blogger, a woman with whom I have been working for the last few months on some education-related projects.  Her email began, “. . . it has been a rough month, and it’s so hard to even admit this, but (to make matters worse) my husband has decided to leave. “

Seriously?  What. The. Heck.