Chicago Moms Blog

Testimony by Anita Shreve: A Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Club

This month, for Silicon Valley Moms Group bloggers' monthly book club, we read a novel that many of us, as mothers, found tough to read. But probably every mother should read it. And their teenagers too - especially their teenagers.

Join in as Silicon Valley Moms Group bloggers discuss the book Testimony by Anita Shreve.

• DC Metro Moms Blog's Amy G. leads us off with hoping she has done enough
• Wife and Mommy from Wife and Mommy thinks of all the moments she knew her life would never be the same
• Jennifer from Connect with your Teens discusses the ramifications and repercussions of teenage drinking
• Melanie from Tales from the Crib forecasts the future
• Bonggamom from Finding Bonggamom remembers temptation
• The Fabulous Miss S from Fabulous Miss S screamed in her head "No! Don't do it!"
• Silicon Valley Diva from Blog on the Wall shudders when she thinks back to her teenage years
• Kim from Passion & Art says no one asks to be raped
• Chefdruck from Chefdruck Musings gives her own testimony
• Jessica from It's My Life thinks about when the best isn't the best after all
• Robin from Who's the Boss gives her testimony
• Gayle from Everyday I Write the Book reviews Testimony
• Christina from The Carpool Reader goes through the evolution of a marriage
• Linsey from Me Too You is glad she got caught

More posts will be put up throughout the day on our writer's personal sites, so be sure to check back to follow along.

.... and if you have a post up on YOUR personal site on this topic, please leave a comment here and we will add your link!

About the book - from the publisher Hachette Book Group:

At a New England boarding school, a sex scandal is about to break. Even more shocking than the sexual acts themselves is the fact that they were caught on videotape. A Pandora's box of revelations, the tape triggers a chorus of voices--those of the men, women, teenagers, and parents involved in the scandal--that details the ways in which lives can be derailed or destroyed in one foolish moment.

Writing with a pace and intensity surpassing even her own greatest work, Anita Shreve delivers in TESTIMONY a gripping emotional drama with the impact of a thriller. No one more compellingly explores the dark impulses that sway the lives of seeming innocents, the needs and fears that drive ordinary men and women into intolerable dilemmas, and the ways in which our best intentions can lead to our worst transgressions.

Past Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Facebook, you confuse me!

I’ll be honest, I’ve heard about the hoolabaloos on Facebook not allowing breastfeeding pictures anymore but I didn’t really pay that much attention to it. Maybe because I am somewhat torn with this issue. I often wonder what makes people feel like they have to share their breastfeeding pictures to the world.  Actually I’m a big supporter of breastfeeding and even breastfed my 3 kids. But breastfeeding for me is a very private moment I shared with my child and could not imagine people looking in on my moment.  But that’s just me. And this is a personal issue, so if you want to share your breastfeeding photos then do so. Just not on Facebook’s turf. 

Somehow I get Facebook. I get that there are certain places that are inappropriate for children. And I get that there are appropriate topics on certain instances. So with my conscious effort of making sure everyone is comfortable around me including myself and my family, I basically just go with the flow.  If it is not allowed, then I just don’t do it. Whether that is right or wrong, it is how I roll.

Sex, a Dirty Little RECAP

RECAP!!!  From our day dedicated to SEX.

Honestly? I feel like a dirty little girl right now...sneaking porn from the book store racks and reading stories about your private sex lives. Pregnant sex is better or is sex after the kiddos? Or, apparently sex stinks after kids?

Whatever the case, each of us moms (and dad) has an opinion on sex. Each of us has loved, learned, and some of us have lost. Because, fortunately and unfortunately, that is how it happens. The best thing about sex though, no matter how one looks at it, is the love we share when we are in committed relationships.

So, wrap your arms tight around your little ones and your lovers tonight and be thankful for what you have together and what you make together.

Stephanie (aka. Lawyer Mama) started us all off with her fabulous intro post that got us...well... blogging about sex!

Here is what our contributors had to share!

Silicon Valley Moms

• We started the day a little risky with some Tantric Sex from David, our new male writer from Silicon Valley. Leave it to the guy to throw everyone for a loop, eh?
• A Love Letter (to Elmo) from Robyn.
• Getting Over Sexual Issues by Lia puts Date Rape in the spot light.
• All About Breasts: Ana asks a simple question...are you happy with yours?

Chicago Moms Blog

• Wham, bam, thank you ma'am, an ode to a mattress by the ever so talented Kim Moldofsky.
• Farrah from BabyLove Slings writes about sleeping instead of sexin' it up in Sometimes you would rather have the sleep
• Marcie Pickelsimer shares her blogging rules including her reasons why she doesn't talk about sex in I Don't Talk About Sex
• In Sex Ed, Then and Now,  Cindy contemplates the differences between generations and how sex has changed so much in the last 20 years.
• Did you know sex after kids can be even better? Tracey does (and so does her hubby!) Lovin it more now, than ever
• Or, is Pregnant sex the best sex? Alma believes so...
• Ah, and controversial sex can be the most interesting...Extra-marital Sex (after Kids) may just peak Oprah's ears this month. Stay true to who you are girl!

DC Metro Moms Blog

• Jessica is feelin' Sexy in the Bathroom
• How many is too many? The (Low) Number by Sandie
• Julie is out to Blame Barbie for infertility.
• Victoria explains why keeping That Dirty Degree is essential even after childbirth.
• Amie wants pizza or to be a 17 year old boy...I can't figure it out. Read Mad, Passionate, Wild Sex -- Oh, the Memories so you can decide.
• Is it bad when kids ask, Mommy, What's a Condom? Robin found out!

New York City Moms Blog

• Let's Talk About Sex, Baby...because everybody's doin' it. Alexandra tells her 3 month old about sex...I think she might be ready, don't you?
• Sex After Kids is like Having Sex with the Flu. Contrary to Tracey's view, Vicki is sooo not into it.
• Who's you daddy? Cynthia wants to know if your spouse calls you Mommy.
• Just Do It AKA...where did the Magic GO? by Kelcey Kintner
• And so it begins...Amy gets questioned about Sex.
• Karen Dreams of Johnny.

50 Something Moms Blog

• Viva Viagra and all things over 50? Lollie discusses her daughter AND her parents.

New Jersey Moms Blog

• Rox explains how Real Estate: (is) The New Sex
• Cats vs. Chickens: explaining sex to your children. Our moms did it great, right? Can Monica do it just as well?
• Gender Bender: Lynette explains Male and Female parts.
• Lois writes about The Ups and Downs of Being a Mom
• Vanessa is already Dreaming of a Second Honeymoon

Deep South Moms Blog

• Cassie writes about Abstinence Only Sex Education: A teacher's viewpoint
• Marty's Momma Left This Part Out  (and she shouldn't have)

Extra-marital Sex (after Kids)

Okay, technically it's not extra-marital sex, since Kevin and I aren't legally married. But we own a home together, have been living together for sixteen years, and now have a child together (our one-year-old daughter, Kavya). To the casual observer we sure look married, and I don't even bother correcting people most of the time when they refer to Kevin as my 'husband.' Most people we meet assume that we're married and monogamous.

But the truth is that we've chosen not to marry (for a variety of political reasons), and we're not monogamous. We've had an open relationship (which we usually refer to as polyamorous) since we started sixteen years ago, and while it's not always been easy, and we've had our share of jealousies and insecurities, in the end, it's what works best for us. We've had to answer a lot of questions about it over the years, from curious friends (and strangers), but most people, at least in our liberal urban academic circles, seem willing to shrug it off with a 'hey, I could never do it, but whatever makes you happy.' Which is all well and good, except for one thing. Now we have a kid.

Pregnant sex is the best sex

My face was fat, my ankles were cankles and I suffered from an insane amount of gas, but I never felt sexier or randier than I did when I was pregnant. Even with an enormous belly that sent the missionary position on sabbatical, I was ready to go virtually every night. Was it the lack of desire-killing hormones in the Pill? The surge of pregnancy-related hormones in my bloodstream? Or just the surge of blood circulating through my veins and swelling the more, er, sensitive parts of my body, heightening sensation...

What ever it was, thank G-d for pregnant sex. For making this mama feel sexy at 180 pounds. And for keeping my husband happy for 9 months. Because he was about to endure a few months of postpartum sex. Meaning none.

An original post to Chicago Moms Blog.

Sex Ed, Then and Now

My formal sex education at home was limited to this single piece of advice from dear Aunt Ruth, who raised me:  "Sometimes a boy will be dancing with you and he might bump up against your chest and it will hurt.  Well, he didn't mean to hurt you."  And that was it.  Seriously, that is all I remember her telling me.  Oh, and she showed me how to wash blood out of my underwear with cold water.  Were you the kind of twelve year old who would ask a follow-up?  Not me. Voluntarily go through another excruciating moment with a grownup who had obviously never known anything like the thrills I felt watching "Hungry Like the Wolf" on MTV?  No way.

I Don't Talk About Sex

When I first began blogging I set for rules for myself; I don't badmouth my family, I don't swear unless it is absolutely necessary, and I don't talk about sex.

I will, however, share health information so that I can help other women. I write candidly about infertility and my feelings about not being able to have a biological child. I write about my fear of colon cancer and I already wrote about first endoscopy last year. I write about my son's health issues, behavioral challenges, and emotional trauma almost every day. I even write about what it means, on an emotional level, to be an adoptive mother.

But I don't talk about sex.

Sometimes you would rather have the sleep

Last Christmas while visiting my parents in Florida, hubby and I planned our first overnight away from our 2yr. old. Our Christmas gift from them was two nights at a hotel on the beach in beautiful Destin, FL just about 45min from my parents' house. We were pumped!!  I was a bit nervous about leaving my little guy but the prospect of two nights, alone, on the beach, over Christmas seemed too good to pass up.  What could be better!  We had just learned we were unexpectedly pregnant so there was not even the concern of it being "that time of the month" or having to "be careful" with protection. Oh, the romance to be had.... right?

Maybe not. Once at the hotel, we mostly enjoyed the quiet and watched a couple movies and spent about 2 hours browsing (separately) in Barnes and Noble after dinner. We did have sex, just not near as much as we had talked about. We got lost in the quiet and sleep won.  It was a wonderful weekend, very refreshing just not very typically romantic.

...............................

Then just this past weekend, our son had his second overnight getaway. Another chance for some kid-free lovin'?  ... not so much. We didn't  make it to the outing with our friends we were planning on attending. We didn't even talk about having sex or pretend that we wanted the evening to be filled with hot passion. We just laid in our bed, the house SO VERY quiet, and enjoyed the peace. Even the dog went to bed early. He must miss the quiet too. Again, a good time, but not all that sexy.

 

What is it about parenthood that makes sleep, or even just some quiet co-existence, take priority over sex? Wait... could it be the late nights or the early mornings or the long days filled with couch pirate ships and dino parades through the grass?

Wham, bam, thank you ma'am

Make that thank you sirs. Sixteen years after buying out first mattress together, DH and I were in need of a new one. This time around, I went mattress shopping with my eager eight-year-old son. The salesperson who glommed on to us at Carson's furniture gallery, barely glanced up from her porn magazine as she led us to the bedding section. She thankfully abandoned us as we bounded from mattress to mattress, working our way across the showroom floor toward the less expensive models. Eventually another salesperson stepped in, and got a nice commission, I might add.

The mattress arrived two weeks ago. The delivery guys were in and out in about 5 minutes flat. I'm not used to that kind of service in the bedroom. Nor should I be. Unless it's time to run and pick up the boys from Sunday school, if you know what I mean.

Adapted and cross-posted to Chicago Moms Blog from Hormone-colored Days. Kim also blogs at MOMformation.

Let's Talk About "S. E. X."

Sex.

We've all had it.  (C'mon, we're parents!)  But for some reason sex is awfully hard to talk about.

Before my husband and I had kids, we took sex for granted.  We had 10 years of wedded bliss before those two little tornadoes turned our world upside down, but I wish we'd known to enjoy it a bit more. "Everyone" tells you how much closer your children will bring you and your partner.  We all go into it knowing to expect exhaustion and a bit of a drop off in sex.

"Everyone" forgot to tell me that I wouldn't want my husband to so much as look at me sideways for the entire year I was breastfeeding. There was no mention of (excuse me, any men that may be reading this, you can avert your eyes now) vaginal dryness, an urge with no release, or that little problem with milk squirting all over the place.

Sex is a somewhat forbidden topic of discussion in our society and particularly among parents.  So today, the bloggers at the Silicon Valley, Chicago, D.C. Metro, New York City, New Jersey, 50 Something, and Deep South Moms Blogs are ripping the blind fold off the subject of sex.  Please check out all of our sites  as we update with new posts throughout the day. Maybe we'll all learn what to do with that blindfold we just ripped off....