Chicago Moms Blog

Gender Identity Divides A Family

"You are setting him up to fail" was the last thing I heard before my throat began to tighten and my eyes flooded with tears. How could my own family say such things to me? "I will not listen to you!" sputtered out of my mouth as I frantically searched for the button to drop the call. Did that just happen? 

Heavy sobs rippled through me as I heard their final words ring through my head. Earlier in the conversation I shared that I was searching for a transgender play group for my child who has known for almost two years that he is a girl inside. Just recently he began wearing his dresses outside of the house and mentioning his loneliness for friends who felt the same way as he did. I assured him that I would find a play group and felt confident this was a positive step in supporting him as he navigated through his feelings.  

Earlier in the day I felt disheartened after a trip to the Center on Halsted (well known for their support of the LGBT community) only resulted in a voice mail message. Instead of everything quickly falling into place as I hoped, I had to be patient and wait. If I thought that the frustration of the delay was bad, the phone call I made looking for some encouragement ended up being the lowest point of my day. 

What the World Needs Now

The Modern Wing of the Art Institute

Art lifts us. Gives us hope. Makes sense of our past and instills a belief that there is something beautiful for all of us to create here.

Overjoyed to attend the sneak preview for the media yesterday at the Modern Wing of the Art Institute, I had some beautifully landscaped quiet moments to reflect on my life long love of art. It all started with my mother's narrative as we walked down the hushed halls of the Art Institute when I was a small child.

Holding my hand tight she told passionate stories about when she first fell in love with Degas and his ballet dancers or how she feels when she sees the brushstrokes of a Renoir. She begged for my opinion encouraging me to open up and share my interpretation of what I saw (even when it conflicted with her own). This bubbling excitement spilled over on me like a flood of possibility and again and again I was swept away when I entered the museum. The truth is, I still feel it every time I walk in. 

Now with my own children, I find myself reflecting on the genius of my parent's philosophy. Despite living meagerly as small business owners, they never forgot to engage in the beauty of this world. They made it a point to take us to the ballet, to the opera, to the museums and to more simple places like state parks and historical destinations. Almost like a ritual or better yet, an escape so that my sister and I knew that there was more to living.

It's Never too Early to Advocate

When my son entered kindergarten, I gave a head's up about my special son to his very experienced teacher. She ignored me. Whenever I asked how he was doing, she told me he was just fine.

Fine, I've since learned, means your child is not causing problems. Fine means your child behaves reasonably well. Is compliant. Fine does not mean your child is happy, growing academically, or making friends.

Indeed, by first grade, it was clear that none of these things were happening. My son grew increasingly anxious and depressed about going to school.

Kindergarten Rejection

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Beltz......

After (6) months of filling out forms, meetings and interviews, prepping ourselves and our almost 4 year old son, I reached into our mailbox for the coveted envelope.

The #10 envelope with the school’s familiar logo growled at me from the depths of my mailbox. I knew what was inside before even opening it.

We’d been…I tore the envelope open with the gusto of Charlie in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory…” In our case, no Golden Ticket, not even a wait list. A full out rejection.

…For early decision Kindergarten.

KINDERGARTEN.

Crushed by Parental Paperwork

Of the myriad skills necessary for effective parenting, I would have thought that years of working through school and in offices would have prepared me well to handle the paperwork. Wrong. 

Four kids, four schools, six doctors, two dentists, several teams, too many extracurricular activities and one dog add up to a lot of paperwork. That doesn't even take into account my own personal papers. No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to stay on top of the never-ending influx of health forms, permission slips, report cards, sign-up sheets, camp forms, registrations, family histories, and emergency contact sheets. And those are just the forms I have to complete and return. 

Then there are the read-only materials, the read-and-file materials, the read-and-act-upon materials and the what-in-the-hell-am-I-supposed-to-do-with-this materials. You've got your newsletters, your flyers, your invitations, your reminder sheets and your save-the-dates. And don't forget or misplace the calendars and class lists and team rosters and schedules. Clearly, the promise of a paperless society is nothing but cruel joke.

I love all day preschool!

It's hard to believe but we've already had to submit the form to my son's preschool, reregistering for this Fall. I happily signed him for the 5 day option, the ALL DAY 5 day option. His school, prior to him arriving there, ended their ½ day program and since they've added an additional classroom, I suspect I'm not the only mom that likes the full-day program.

My son is an "older three" with an April birthday so perhaps that's one of the reasons why I feel comfortable with him being away all day. Going back further, I suspect that it's because he was a NICU baby (full-term, just didn't like labor) for the first 11 days of his life so I learned early on that there were other people perfectly capable of taking care of him. Distance also plays a part I suppose. We live 4 miles from school which on a good day is a 10 minute drive, on a bad traffic day can take up to 40 minutes. Deep down, I know my reasons are very biased as I've worked in elementary education as a teacher's aide in preschool classrooms and seen both programs in action.

Art Is For Your Heart

I'll never forget the time my brother and I watched an episode of The Muppet Babies where they made an art museum in their nursery. For the rest of the day we drew and colored and hung our artwork all over the playroom, inviting Mom & Dad to see only after we'd covered every inch of the walls.

My brother went on to attend art school many, many years later. And I went on to pursue theatre in Chicago, paying rent by working in the Art Institute's Museum Shop selling books and posters and eventually working through one of the most successful and largest Monet exhibits of all time. Possibly the longest hours I'd ever worked, but probably my favorite and most interesting place I'd ever work. I was trained by Ed Harris' dad, and my new fascinating co-workers took me to courtyard parties, dinners with hummus, and through the musty paperbacked shelves of Powell's Books. We ate cheese sandwiches on our lunch break at the School of the Art Institute's cafeteria and walked through the Hall of Armor at night, with all the lights off, chills up our spines the entire time. (I swear one time I saw blood on the floor.)

Pride for Our School (and some anger for those who don't get it)

  The journey to our local neighborhood school was a very long one. Because the public school system in Chicago is so erratic and uneven, we spent a lot of time and effort trying to find the right place for our daughter. She took the gifted and classical placement tests and we also applied to about 20 other public schools in the city. Some were magnets, some were highly regarded neighborhood schools that accept a small number of children via lottery. Ultimately, Dylan was accepted into one gifted school, one classical school and one magnet school. We turned them all down, though, and opted to go with the neighborhood school just three blocks from our home. One year after that decision, I am happier than ever that we made the choice we did. However, I also feel quite a bit of anger.

We chose our neighborhood school for a number of reasons. First, we love the principal. He is young, dynamic, passionate and tough. Second, we love the proximity! Nothing beats walking three blocks to school, and being close by makes it easier for us to participate in after school activities (such as book

RECAP - Education: Public, Private or Home Schools?

Is there anything more important to a child's future than education?  Aside from the basics, like food, shelter, clothing, and parental involvement, not really.  How our children will be educated is one of the most important decisions we will make as parents.  It isn't a decision that should be abdicated entirely to a public, or private, school system.

I had a charmed childhood.  I thrived in public schools, had great experiences (for the most part) and loved school.  My little brother wasn't so lucky.

B didn't fit the teacher's pet mold.  Although very bright, he was slow to learn to read and a bit immature for his age.  This is pretty typical for boys, and even for some girls, when starting elementary school.  Unfortunately, my brother encountered a teacher who shouldn't have been teaching anymore.  One who ridiculed him, humiliated and punished him in front of the other children, and basically told him (and my parents) that he just wasn't good enough. At the critical age of 6.  That's right.  He was 6 years old. 

When B misbehaved as a result, my parents were told that he needed drugs for ADHD.  Of course, he'd never actually been seen by a qualified psychiatrist or psychologist.  But the school and the administration claimed they knew what was best for B.  Better than his parents.

Is there anything worse that can happen to a child just starting out in school?

Because education is such an important issue, the moms on the Silicon Valley, Chicago, D.C. Metro, New York, 50 Something, and New Jersey Mom Blogs are all blogging about education today.  Even though our sites have tackled education generally before, today we'll be discussing public, private, and home schools. So please stop by each of our sites for posts throughout the day to read all of our individual views on this important issue.

Silicon Valley Moms Blog

From a Teacher's Perspective

Are school buses a thing of the past?

School Uniforms

Considering a parent participation/co-op school

Schedule vs. Fit

How Do You Choose?

I Am A Bi-Schooler

The Beginning of the End of the California Public School System

The Gift of Education - A Child by Child Choice

A Teacher Fretting About School

The Private School Snob Celebrates Public Education

Our School Decision Has Nothing To Do With You

Prop 13 and Silicon Valley

Chicago

The Power of Early Intervention: My Son Didn't Talk

Special Ed to Mainstream School: Making the Leap

An Inclusion Preschool Experience

It's Just So Public

Too Smart For Public School

Lockdown in a Mountgomery County Public School

Einy Meeny Mini Mo

DC Metro Moms Blog

Yes to Year-Round Schools

Education: What Makes A Summer

Why Our Kids Are Public School Kids

From This Student: What Makes A Great Teacher?

Heroes

Why So Much Testing and So Little Love of Learning

Why Mama is a graduate student

New York City Moms Blog

Yes to Year-Round Schools

Confessions from a Teacher

Working for Great Public Schools

Diversity Trumps Test Scores

The Few, the Fortunate and the Secret of one (Not Really) Public New York School

Going Public

Admissions of an Admissions Survivor

Public School and the Public Interest

Because School are important - PS 234 Overscrowding

New Jersey Moms Blog

Opposite Side of the Table: From Teacher to Mom

On public education: An opinion that gifted students deserve more support

50 Something Moms Blog

Public or Private School: Both Can Be Stressful

Which School -- College Edition

Click Here to continue reading Stephanie's (aka. Lawyer Mama's) post on DC Metro Moms Blog.........

The Power of Early Intervention: My Son Didn't Talk

My son's developmental issues surfaced ten years ago, before "Early Intervention" became an education buzzword.

When he was 18 months old, a chubby-cheeked toddler in Pooh bear overalls and miniature work boots like his grandfather's, I took him to the Speech and Language Center in Elmhurst, IL.  There, we consulted a speech and language pathologist, who diagnosed him with speech apraxia.

"Apraxia" means absence of speech.  Apraxia can affect adults, such as people who have strokes.  Through rehab sessions and therapy, stroke victims regain their speech.  Apraxic children, however, must access their speech in a different way.  I recall one therapist likening it to "building railroad tracks" in the brain, or making the necessary connections to achieve speech.