Chicago Moms Blog

Do You Know Where Your Nanny Is?

It's the first week in June, the kids are almost out of school and the countdown until our beloved babysitter returns home from college begins. So tired from my babysitter blues of the past, I didn't have the strength to have another babysitter work for us while she was gone. The thought of the interviewing process made my skin crawl. Much like the prospect of dating after being married, I couldn't handle the whole acclamation process and feared that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that my kids weren't being cared for while I was away. Our history leaves me with a wary perspective.

Our first nanny experience ended with (my then 3 year old) son telling me that his nanny dropped him off at a strange man's house and left him. Even though my son could recount minute by minute what occurred during his time with the "stinky" stranger, my conscience would not let me live without consulting a forensic child psychologist on the possibility of abuse. Later we found out that she also lost my son in Target. Thankfully the security found him before a predator. Strike one. 

Newsflash: U.S. Parents Spend More Time with Kids than Ever!

"Parents today spend much more time with their children than they did 40 years ago. The sociologists Suzanne Bianchi, John Robinson and Melissa Milkie report that married mothers in 2000 spent 20 percent more time with their children than in 1965. Married fathers spent more than twice as much time."   -- NY Times Article:  Till Children Do Us Part

Really, that could be my whole post right there -- I stumbled across this article and then just ended up reading that sentence over and over again.  Seriously?  We're spending more time with our kids than in 1965?  But I thought 1965 was part of the 'golden period', when every (upper-middle-class) family had a stay-at-home mom dedicated to her children every waking hour.  When children blossomed under the intensive care of their biological parents.  If that's just not true, and the kids turned out fine anyway, what am I supposed to do with my vague sense of guilt over our having just upped our nanny-share from three days a week to five?

 

Our daughter (21 months) is now keeping company with a 3 month old in our home, under the supervision of a wonderful young woman from Brazil, who is here in the U.S. doing her Master's degree.  And oh my god, we love it.  Sure, I feel a pang when I go upstairs to work, and Kavi freaks out for oh, about thirty seconds, before she gets down to the serious business of playing with Jarmila and baby Gavin.  And I try to minimize my trips downstairs for tea and snacks, since often that freakout is repeated every time Kavi sees mama.  There's a little guilt with that, I admit.  But for the most part, having two extra days to work (and rest, and even knit a little in peace) is just gorgeous.  I feel so much more sane than I did last fall.

Stay At Home Dad Needs Help

My husband, God love him, gave up his career to stay at home with my 2 toddler sons.  He's a great guy and is a lot of things, but organized and able to follow a schedule he is not.  Case in point - our 3 year old is scheduled to attend speech and occupational therapy sessions for his very slight developmental delay.  Because my husband cannot adhere to a dinner/bedtime schedule and I am often late getting home from work, my son has slept through the last 2 appointments.

It's frustrating only because I know that my son's "developmental delays" will only be helped by consistency and because of the inability of my husband to stick to a schedule, this consistency is compromised.  Yesterday I came home early from work and was able to get the boys fed, diapered, pajama-ed, and in bed (asleep) by 7:30 pm.  And today, I came home early again and accomplished the same thing.  I cannot understand why this is difficult for him.

Au Pair, Of Course!

We have tried every childcare situation out there. Standard daycare, in-home daycare, nannies, babysitters and after-school care. For the past 10 months, though, we've had an au pair, and I have to say that this is the best solution yet.

We do the standard au pair program which includes 45 hours of care a week. There is an upfront fee of $7,345, and then we pay her a weekly fee of $160 (the actual cost is $157.95, but that just seems tacky). When you average it all out, the weekly cost is $309. (less than $7/hour). Yes, our food costs have gone up (but part of that is the economy). And yes, we have someone living with us, but it's been terrific.

We are lucky to have a good house layout for an au pair.