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February 17, 2009

Is This Baby My Baby?

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I gave birth to my third child right after Christmas -- a baby boy.  He joins his two-and-a-half year-old brother and four-and-a-half year-old sister.  So I now have three children under the age of five.  And when people say to me (as they often do), "You must have your hands full,"  I enthusiastically agree with them.

Even though my baby is only two months-old and I am certainly not planning to become pregnant in the near future, my husband and I have already found ourselves wondering,  "Is this baby our baby?"

We had always planned to have at least three children (although my husband claims to want closer to six!).  Throughout my last pregnancy, I reminded myself often that I should experience everything as though it were my last go around with baby making. 

But truth be told, I never really felt like it was my last time being pregnant.  And after my son was born, I waited for some sense that my family was complete that I have heard other women talk about.  And I have to confess that I haven't really felt that so-called completeness either.

Now, don't get me wrong -- I know that we are extremely blessed to have three healthy children and our family would certainly be complete if it ends up being just the five of us.  I also recognize that there is a certain backlash against large families -- you know, using a disproportionate share of the earth's resources and all that. 

When I think about having more children, I have my own worries. Can I be a patient and available mother to four children (I am not even sure I can do it with three!).  Will we be able to give four little people all that they need, financially and emotionally? Do I want to drive a mini-van? I already have three healthy children, will I be pushing my luck with four?

But I also think about what each child brings to our family and how I couldn't imagine my life without any of them. So for now, I am staying open to the possibility that our family might have a bit more room to grow -- some day.

An original Chicago Moms Blog post.

Caitlin Murray Giles blogs about life with her three little ones at A Hen and Two Three Chicks and Being Savvy:  Chicago.

 

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