I will become a woman in May 2010

Let's see. I've had my period for several decades, my virginity is long gone, I've birthed two babies and held a variety of jobs, but in one sense I am not a woman. I was never called to the torah as a bat mitzvah.

While a bar mitzvah has long been an important, nay crucial, rite of passage for Jewish boys, the equivalent ceremony for girls is a more modern phenomenon.

Growing up in a fairly nonobservant Jewish home, my brother was forced to attend Hebrew school. I, however, was given a choice as to whether I wanted to commit to the twice weekly after school classes and Sunday school.

Like any normal third grader who was busy with more exciting activities and classes (horseback riding! gymnastics!), I just said no to religious school. My brother and his friends complained incessantly about Hebrew school. Who would volunteer for such torture?

Torture, that's what my mom thought it was. Growing up, she was not offered a bat mitzvah, but was expected to be confirmed. She hated, hated, hated, her religious school experience, and I think she felt she was doing me a favor by letting me opt out.

But she wasn't. When I was sent into junior services on the High Holy Days, all the other kids knew the songs and prayers, while I awkwardly and self-consciously hummed or mouthed along just a bit behind the group, trying to make sense of the transliteration. I didn't understand the ritual and flow of the services. The only thing I prayed for was end of the services.

I felt left out when my friends started having their bar and bat mitzvah ceremonies and parties (and received thousands of dollars in gift money). Yet I refused to take my parents up on their offer to pay for hard and fast tutoring that would bring me the same rewards. It felt like cheating to me.

By the time I was in college, I was anti-choice. I vowed my children would never be allowed to choose their religious education. They would go to Hebrew school, and after becoming Jewish adults (at the tender age of 12 or 13, mind you) have the opportunity to decide whether to continue Jewish studies. Around this time I figured that someday I would participate in an adult bar mitzvah program.

Someday kept getting put off, but when I was married and in my late 20s, I made a list of things to do before I had kids. Over a decade later, the only two items I recall from my Parenting Bucket List are the two items I did not complete: a trip to Bryce Canyon and becoming a bat mitzvah.

My husband brings both items up every year or two. Whatever. But when my own children started bugging me about becoming a bat mitzvah, I knew it was time to pursue it.

I start this week! For the next year and half I'll be delving deeper into the hows and whys of my religion, as well as my own philosophies and beliefs. I'll need to buy a few books, brush up on my Hebrew (I've almost got the alef-bet down- damn you lookalikes, bet and vet, rosh and dalet), and dust off a bit of my gray matter, but I'm looking forward to the experience.

And in May of 2010, I will become a woman. I'll be 41 years old on my big day, so I'm not planning a fancy shmancy party, but I'd love to celebrate with a family trip to Bryce Canyon.

Original post to Chicago Moms Blog.

Kim also blogs at Hormone-colored Days, gives stuff away at Hormone-colored Reviews, and will soon join the blog team at Traveling Mom.