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November 19, 2008

Those Darn Cialis Bathtubs

Cialis_ad In 2005, my youngest ventured downstairs into our den.  I was folding laundry, ignoring the television.

His moppet voice pierced the pulsating music.  "Mommy, what is that?"

I glanced up.  On the TV screen, in a smoky bar, a nymph gyrated and stared at a man.  Winking, he nodded toward the door.  They rushed out the exit.  The smirking voiceover described the male enhancement product, but I knew the real reason the couple was in a hurry.  Dude was double-parked.

Catapulting across furniture, I seized the remote, punching buttons.  Must -- change -- channel

Too late.  My young son's eyes were scorched by five seconds of suggestiveness.

Good Lord, I thought.  An ExtenZe ad in broad daylight.

The founder of 'Nutraceutical,' the company responsible for ExtenZe, would eventually be convicted on conspiracy and fraud.  I pressed for additional charges, such as "promoting really bad acting within a lurid setting," but the judge threw me out of the courtroom.

The Nasonex bee annoys my husband, but I'll take Antonio Bandera's voice over "Smilin' Bob" any day.

Well, Bob's no longer smilin,' but those Viagra and Cialis guys sure are.  What escapes me, are those Cialis bathtubs.  Frankly, I don't know of a reproductive human alive who would gaze at a sunset horizon from a 1920's tub.  Wouldn't pruny fingers and feet be a mood-killer? And how does the birthday-suited couple get out of the tubs without risking arrest?

Lately, I've been on the lookout for the cavorting Y2K -- I mean K-Y couple -- giggling about the "Yours and Mine intimacy product." Shudder.  Please don't let my kids see it and begin asking questions. What's next, I wonder.  Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer barging in on his parents when they come into season?

I'm not a prude, (okay, I am).  I just want to steer my boys, my Mayberry Opie Taylors, far from the Hooters billboard.  Kids are exposed to so much these days.  Can't we keep them safely tucked away in childhood?  Instead of worldly and jaded?

Besides.

Today's news headlines have a way of turning any knowing wink into hopeless anguish.  If that Cialis couple listened to CNN's Lou Dobbs talk about the economy, they wouldn't be getting into bathtubs.

They'd be on a window ledge.


This is an original post to the Chicago Moms BlogCheryl O’Donovan writes a weekly humor column for the Pioneer Press.

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