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May 08, 2008

When Enough Is Enough

Steph I was watching Oprah yesterday when Barbara Walters, of all people (I can't stand her), says something that just struck me to my core. She was talking about her special needs sister and how hard it is for parents of children with autism and that, although they love their children and would do anything for them, sometimes they think "it's just too much."

It's just too much.

I tear up as I even type that right now because really, what is so difficult about saying, "it's just too much" ? Why do I feel like I can't say it out loud when that's really how I feel? And so I did. I said it out loud. And it felt good. I am not the parent of a child with autism. I have been through my share of rough times. But it's just life in general right now that is overwhelming me. Whether it be as a Mother, wife, friend, or plain ol' human being. And I feel like I should pull up my big girl panties and just get over it. Toughen up. Get through the day. But I'm wiped out. I'm exhausted. I'm barely making it through the day and I have to say that this is no way to live, just barely getting by. I've had enough.

You hear the saying that God will never give you more than you can handle. Well, I am wondering if I've been letting on that I can handle more than I should. What have I put on my plate that I've confused for God putting there? I have a feeling if I took a good look at it all, most of what fills me up but leaves me empty is because of my own doing.

So, I said, "it's just too much." I don't even know what "it" is right now, but it's a huge relief to speak those words. I'm not fooling anyone around me anymore so I might as well stop fooling myself. I deserve to say no if I need to or want to. I am tired of being the mother to some of my friends when I do that all day at home already. And maybe I could use a little of that mothering myself sometimes.

It's just too much. And that's ok.

Original Chicago Moms Blog post. Stephanie Precourt writes daily at Adventures In Babywearing.

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