The soundtrack of motherhood

I just read a great post about feeling trapped by motherhood, something most of us struggle with every now and again*. Betsy at MOMformation writes that she reflects on the Talking Heads song, Once in a Lifetime. This song is part of my Motherhood Soundtrack as well. It often runs through my mind, especially as I inch my way toward the big 4-0. How did I get here?

When I was home with my boys, back when they were about young- meaning I'd been with them for the better part of 24/7/365 (x 5)- I was getting a bit stir crazy. I definitely felt I'd lost myself in the mess and monotony of motherhood.

Our world was small. Delightfully so in some ways. For example, within a 30-minute drive from home we had two sets of grandparents, cousins, friends, preschool, Target, Costco, playgrounds, libraries, beaches, forest preserves and world-class museums. What more could I want?

But the fact that I barely wandered outside the arbitrary boundary set by my area code bothered me. I'd lead the boys in a rousing chorus of It's a Small World, dwelling on the fact that maybe my world was a bit too small.

Around that time, I'd also been known to belt out Belle's song from Beauty and the Beast,  "I want much more than this provincial life!" I remembered the excitement of my 20s: an internship in Hawaii, another in Florida, living on a kibbutz in Israel, traveling through Europe with only a backpack and a Eurail pass. Was that really me? Surely those adventures belonged to some other woman. My sole purpose in life seemed to be caring for two little souls.

I felt a tension between the woman (my inner Belle, if you will) filled with wanderlust, seeking adventure and the mom who wanted nothing more than to see her children through each day.

As my boys, now 8 and 10, have grown, so has my world. I've made new friends, developed hobbies and I'm building my resume. My Motherhood Soundtrack is now devoid of Disney, though a few Ralph Covert tunes still make the cut. I mentally relish songs like These are Days, by 10,000 Maniacs  “You know it’s true, that you, are blessed and lucky.” I need to, adolescence is just around the corner. Goodness only knows what I’ll be singing to myself then.

* If your sense of feeling trapped in motherhood is a relentless, please talk to a doctor or mental health professional.

Original post to Chicago Moms Blog.
Kim also blogs at Hormone-colored Days and MOMformation.