Salutations
Since completing our adoption back in July of 2005 our family life has managed to maintain a state of chaos. It is certainly not what we would have chosen, as Eric and I tend to be homebodies and like to spend quiet evenings relaxing on the couch, drinking in the warm summer air, or cuddling up to the fire.
Okay, who am I kidding? We watch the boob tube like the rest of you do.
Nonetheless, our lives, as mundane as they were, were catapulted into parenthood the moment we let a Russian toddler step into our home. We thought we had baby-proofed.
We hadn't.
We thought we had food he would like.
We didn't.
We thought we were ready to be parents of an institutionalized child.
We were not.
After the initial honeymoon wherein AJ didn't sleep, pooped all day, screamed for no reason, and fought everything we did things did not calm down like we thought they would. He was overstimulated beyond what any child could ever be because he had NEVER been exposed to anything beyond the four walls of his room in the orphanage.
And, although we had read every book recommended and went to every conference and seminar required by our agency there was no way they could prepare us for a child like AJ who was, at the time, so delayed and traumatized.
It has taken us almost three years to get him to a place where he seems to be truly happy and we, as a family, are finally able to stop and take a deep breath. In those three years we have seen over 10 doctors who have treated or diagnosed AJ for/with H Pylori, Post Traumatic Stress, Heavy Metals and Toxins, Yeast, Auditory, Visual, and Sensory Processing Disorders, and allergies. He even has the cutest glasses on the planet.
In this evening's premiere of Grey's Anatomy Alex states that he is not an underdog he is a fighter, not an underdog. "Like this guy here he didn't go for the bear, his brother did it. Now he is here, fighting for his life, paying for someone else's mistakes. It doesn't make him an underdog. It just has to make him work hard to overcome the cards again."
We know that AJ's birth mother not only made mistakes during her pregnancy but she also did not have any prenatal care. At first I was very bitter about the choices she made and the future she forced him to have. But as I witnessed him fight to break through of all the muck that stood in his way of being a vivacious child I began to see the spirit she gave him, the courage that she must have, somehow, passed down to him.
We have helped him peel the layers back of his self, each time revealing new more issues. When he started to communicate in sign we saw his frustration diminish, when we treated the H Pylori he started to calm and gained almost 10 pounds, when we treated yeast he stopped barking and giggling incessantly, when we started him on Clonidine he finally slept his first full night in a year and a half, when he started to balance his sensory processing we witnessed rages, and when we finally started him on Risperdal two weeks ago we witnessed, for the first time, a little boy.
Life has certainly turned upside down these past few weeks. With a brand new kitchen, living with the 'rents, and new medication for AJ we have had our fair share of transitions. Eric has also taken on new responsibility at work with a new job so we are very excited about that. What is most exciting is that AJ has learned how to simply (pardon the cliche) roll with the punches.
Oh, he has his moments wherein he throws a little tantrum or tries to yell at me using his made up expletives. Those, in my mind, are all natural little boy things that he is working through and I am happy to allow him to experience those things.
After only three weeks on this miracle (oh, yes!) medication I have seen a frustrated, tired, angry, and out of control maniac of a child transform into one of the sweetest, most lovable, compliant, knowledge hungry, talkative, responsive, calm, and independent 4-year-olds I have ever met.
He belly laughs, holds conversations with me about the birds in the trees, answers questions; all things he could not do before. And he is SO proud of himself for it...and that, by itself, makes almost 100 percent of the difference.
I know that I should dare not say it but right now I would not classify my son as a special needs child and if he were to be evaluated RIGHT NOW I think he would only qualify because of his speech, and processing disorders, not his behavior issues (which they don't really test for but take into account anyway). For the first time since he joined our family there is not only a glimmer of hope for his future but a spotlight beaming on all that is possible for him.
I am so proud to be his mother and so proud to hear him look up at his papa in the morning and say, with a gleaming smile, "Good morning, Papa, Salutations."
This post has been partially cross posted at My Two Boys where Marcie Pickelsimer writes about adoption and special needs. Marcie also writes at A Child Chosen and Discussing Autism.
And, although we had read every book recommended and went to every conference and seminar required by our agency there was no way they could prepare us for a child like AJ who was, at the time, so delayed and traumatized.
It has taken us almost three years to get him to a place where he seems to be truly happy and we, as a family, are finally able to stop and take a deep breath. In those three years we have seen over 10 doctors who have treated or diagnosed AJ for/with H Pylori, Post Traumatic Stress, Heavy Metals and Toxins, Yeast, Auditory, Visual, and Sensory Processing Disorders, and allergies. He even has the cutest glasses on the planet.
In this evening's premiere of Grey's Anatomy Alex states that he is not an underdog he is a fighter, not an underdog. "Like this guy here he didn't go for the bear, his brother did it. Now he is here, fighting for his life, paying for someone else's mistakes. It doesn't make him an underdog. It just has to make him work hard to overcome the cards again."
We know that AJ's birth mother not only made mistakes during her pregnancy but she also did not have any prenatal care. At first I was very bitter about the choices she made and the future she forced him to have. But as I witnessed him fight to break through of all the muck that stood in his way of being a vivacious child I began to see the spirit she gave him, the courage that she must have, somehow, passed down to him.
We have helped him peel the layers back of his self, each time revealing new more issues. When he started to communicate in sign we saw his frustration diminish, when we treated the H Pylori he started to calm and gained almost 10 pounds, when we treated yeast he stopped barking and giggling incessantly, when we started him on Clonidine he finally slept his first full night in a year and a half, when he started to balance his sensory processing we witnessed rages, and when we finally started him on Risperdal two weeks ago we witnessed, for the first time, a little boy.
Life has certainly turned upside down these past few weeks. With a brand new kitchen, living with the 'rents, and new medication for AJ we have had our fair share of transitions. Eric has also taken on new responsibility at work with a new job so we are very excited about that. What is most exciting is that AJ has learned how to simply (pardon the cliche) roll with the punches.
Oh, he has his moments wherein he throws a little tantrum or tries to yell at me using his made up expletives. Those, in my mind, are all natural little boy things that he is working through and I am happy to allow him to experience those things.
After only three weeks on this miracle (oh, yes!) medication I have seen a frustrated, tired, angry, and out of control maniac of a child transform into one of the sweetest, most lovable, compliant, knowledge hungry, talkative, responsive, calm, and independent 4-year-olds I have ever met. He belly laughs, holds conversations with me about the birds in the trees, answers questions; all things he could not do before. And he is SO proud of himself for it...and that, by itself, makes almost 100 percent of the difference.
I know that I should dare not say it but right now I would not classify my son as a special needs child and if he were to be evaluated RIGHT NOW I think he would only qualify because of his speech, and processing disorders, not his behavior issues (which they don't really test for but take into account anyway). For the first time since he joined our family there is not only a glimmer of hope for his future but a spotlight beaming on all that is possible for him.
I am so proud to be his mother and so proud to hear him look up at his papa in the morning and say, with a gleaming smile, "Good morning, Papa, Salutations."
This post has been partially cross posted at My Two Boys where Marcie Pickelsimer writes about adoption and special needs. Marcie also writes at A Child Chosen and Discussing Autism.
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