Dear Mom Bloggers

Every so often, it seems I read a rash of “Dear so-and-so” posts, in which a mom who is upset (sometimes justifiably, sometimes, er, not) about something another mom has done, decides to address it publicly, and in doing so manages to piss off an entire group of people she’s never met.

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I’m sure that in most cases, the blogger in question really doesn’t mean to offend, annoy, alienate or generalize. But whether it’s a bottlefeeding mom calling out the bad behavior of one or two breastfeeding moms, an at-home mom calling out a working mom she sees at playgroup, or some other example, too often the post creates dissention instead of opening up discussion, and the blogger is geniunely confused at all the hubbub.

Everybody wants to vent now and then, but there are ways to vent that create bridges to deeper discussion and understanding of one another, and then there are ways to vent that create more divisiveness and divide. I firmly believe that almost any topic can be handled in a way that doesn’t pit moms against each other, but sometimes it takes a little extra time, finesse, and thought.

Now, some will argue that blogging is all about the blogger—that it’s the blogger’s forum to say what she wants; that she shouldn’t have to censor herself, watch her tone, or worry that others will post comments questioning her assumptions or parenting philosophy or what have you. I guess that's true. But just as the nice thing about blogging is that you can say whatever is on your mind, the other nice thing about blogging is that your readers can say whatever is on THEIR minds. And sometimes, they aren’t going to like what you have to say. And they’re going to say so.

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If you’re going for controversy, then don’t be surprised when it shows up in your comment box. If you’re NOT going for controversy, it’s probably wise to examine what you’ve written and see if your message is getting lost somewhere. I look at it this way: If I post something and 98% of my readers agree with me or disagree politely, while 2% of them freak out, the problem is probably in the way those 2% have chosen to interpret my words. If, however, a whole slew of my readers are offended, then I haven’t done my job as a writer (or maybe I have…but only if my intent was to offend).

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I don't want to seem like I'm calling anyone out or getting up on a high horse. I’ve certainly found myself in the uncomfortable position of having to defend my words or apologize for unfair assumptions or criticisms I’ve made—or even just appeared to have made. But I think we owe it to each other to be more intentional. If you’re looking for tons of hits or just want to say whatever comes to your mind, go for it, but be prepared for the fallout. On the other hand, if you want to make a point or tell about an experience you've had without further perpetuating the mommy wars, think carefully about what you’re writing and how it might be read by somebody who thinks or lives or believes differently from you.

We have a powerful medium at our disposal. Let’s not underestimate it…or each other.

Meagan tries, but sometimes fails, to practice what she preaches at her blog.

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*disclaimer: many mom bloggers do a great job at this. My intent was not to generalize, but simply to come up with a catchy and punny subject line.

Original Post to Chicago Moms Blog...