Private Property Road

I have adopted the philosophy that if you're a stay-at-home Mom, there's no reason to stand in line. I have the luxury of being able to go places when no one is there. Why would I go on a weekend or, even worse, over a Break? Incase you're thinking, "Places-Where-Karen-Might-Stand-in-Line is an awfully broad category," you're right. It includes grocery stores, amusement parks, museums, movies, car washes, Michael's Hot Dogs, and gas stations. Two years ago, I went to the Kohl Children's Museum on the Tuesday of Spring Break and you would've thought the Cheetah Girls were giving it up for free in the parking lot. The line to get in was half a mile long. That museum's fine, but we have almost as much fun playing in the basement utility sink. We drove out of there like the lobby was on fire, and ever since then I've begun to fancy myself the Mary Poppins of school holidays. While the rest of Chicago children are going to Navy Pier and the Museum of Science and Industry, my kids are getting a Dairy Queen followed by a drive to the local ice rink to watch the Zamboni. Yes, there is singing. Balls-2 is willing to buy whatever I'm selling, but I'm starting to lose Cars-4. When I told him we were going to the Little Zoo last week he said, "Mom, Petsmart is a store. Not a zoo." Fine. You mess with the bull, you get the horns. "Guess where we're going then," I retorted. "Where?" both boys chorused. "Down Private Property Road." They gasped like I'd announced we were moving to LegoLand.

Private Property Road, as we've come to call it, is a long driveway that disappears over a hill. It's about half a mile from our house. 25 yards up the driveway is an electrical gate that is sometimes open, often

closed. On the gate is a sign that says, you guessed it, "Private Property Road." Two years ago, Cars-4 (then Cars-2) asked me what was down there. "I don't know," I said. "Can we go down there?" he asked. "No," I replied. "It says Private Property Road. We're not allowed to go in." Well, that pretty much took care of that. Every day for the last TWO YEARS, one or both of my little guys has asked if we can go down Private Property Road. About 6 months ago I started saying, "Some day, we'll drive in when the gate's open." Apparently, some day had arrived.

I am not exaggerating when I say that my kids were way more excited about driving down Private Property Road than they were about going to Disneyworld. I explained that if the gate was closed, we couldn't go in. Oh joy of joys, the gate was open. "We're in!" I shouted as we drove through the gate. Cars-4 was leaning forward in his car seat, frantically scanning the landscape for some sort of clue. Ah-HA. A large sign with letters on it. "What does it say?" he asked. "It says 'Clavey Road Waste Water Treatment Plant,' " I answered. Sewage. Awesome. There was no turning back now. We kept driving and passed another sign that said, "Visitors, please check in at the office." This was encouraging for two reasons: 1) we weren't the first people to come in here, which meant that the image I had of a guy sitting on a porch holding a shotgun was probably a little melodramatic, and 2) there was an office...a place we could actually leave the car and go IN to. Any Mary Poppins worth her salt knows that this is really the only requirement for an outing.

We got out of the car and walked into the office. Really, it was more than I ever dreamed. A very nice man named Chris came out of his office and introduced himself. I told the bizarre tale of what we were doing there, and he seemed genuinely happy to have something to do besides whatever sewage people do. He showed us a wall full of awards that the plant had won for it's clean water, and showed us lots of pictures and maps of the different pumping stations, and of the plant over the years. I asked if we could see the plant and he said, "No." Apparently there are no longer any tours of water treatment plants allowed in the post-9/11 era. The boys asked where the water went and he told us it bypasses the Chicago Botanic Garden, then flows into the Skokie Lagoon, and from there goes into the Chicago River and finally Lake Michigan. I'm not sure why water clean enough for Lake Michigan needs to bypass the Botanic Garden, but I didn't ask. Why step on everyone's buzz? He gave the boys each a coloring book explaining the importance of water treatment, and then we hit the road. I think the whole thing took 15-20 minutes.

So, if you're looking for something to do on the next school break, drive down a Private Property Road. There might be guns, or sewage. You never know. One thing's for sure...there won't be a line.