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September 26, 2007

When Blogging Bites The Hand That Feeds It

GoodbyeI've never felt more like hanging up the towel in blogland than I do right now. What once was a creative outlet and great community is now starting to turn against me. I thought I had a good grip on the balance of blogging, life, friendships, being a mother, but lately I just don't know anymore. I feel like I'm contemplating blog suicide. Last night I envisioned completely deleting my blog. The adrenaline rushed through me at the thought, that maybe it would be the answer I need right now.

If I spend too much time reading other blogs and commenting, then I tend to neglect more important things surrounding me. And when I am so wrapped up on the Internet and not living life, what is there to blog about? 

But, if I pull back from blogging and emails, then the Internet friends ask what's wrong and think I don't care about them anymore. I literally have had people email me to ask why I haven't commented on their blog in the past two days. How do you politely respond that Hello, I have a life outside this blog world? I do care and do wish I had more time to devote to Internet friends. Sometimes I sneak in a moment to read blogs while nursing my toddler and overseeing homework for my Kindergartener. Not much time to leave a comment. But to that blogger, they think I never was even there.

And if I try to explain this, that maybe I need to take a step back from the computer and breathe in some real air and say real words without hitting "publish," I somehow come across "better than" and like I am laying on the guilt. I can't win. I've never felt so thinly spread. This isn't feeling like fun for me anymore. If you've got this whole blog/life/motherhood thing balanced, please help this blogging Mama out.

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