Chicago Moms Blog

Don't Ask

Last winter, when I went on a cruise with my mom, brother and Hart, my mother and I made a pact when we arrived in our stateroom: I would not criticize her appearance (as I am wont to do) and she was not to ask me questions (as it seems everyone is wont to do).

As a result, it was a delightful holiday.With apologies to Bill Clinton, I would like to adopt this policy: Don't Ask, Don't Ask. Why? I feel besieged by questions, all kinds of questions from all kinds of sources. I may blow a fuse at any time.

I have to answer medical questions; questions from teachers and therapists, and I must do so accurately and to the best of my ability. There is no evading it. How old were the boys when they arrived? Did you know they had disabilities? What is their medical history? What is their current diagnosis? What medication do they take? I have

 

Chicago, don't take away our music!

This Wednesday, the Chicago City Council will vote to approve an ordinance that will completely damage  Chicago’s thriving music scene.  This is UNACCEPTABLE.

I have lived in the Chicago area for the past 11 years and do you know what brought me here?  The MUSIC and ARTS scene.  Had it not been for places like The Fireside Bowl (referencing Wikipedia, where my husband's old band is actually listed), The Empty Bottle, The Double Door, Schubas (where we take our toddler to see family-friendly matinée shows with bands like The Terrible Twos), Metro and so on.  Oddly enough, I posted about the music and venues I love right around this time last year.  Honestly, I probably would not have met my husband it weren't for our love of music and the venues mentioned above.  I have spent countless nights congregating at these establishments and never once have I felt like I was in any danger.  The staff at these venues obviously care very much about the people in attendance and take every precaution to ensure everyone's safety.  I know this first-hand.

NBC, I am a Mom, not a Non-Mom

"The non-mom mom, Grandparent, stepmom, or mom to adopted children, each one raising and loving a child. A priceless gift for everybody."

To even think that this was on the Internet is disgusting. I personally did not see it or hear it (mainly because I was spending time with my son on Friday)  but I have seen the backlash against NBC via the adoption channels. It has since been changed because the sponsor of America's Favorite Mom, Teleflora examined their choice of words and saw how "how this may have been offensive to moms who have adopted children".

The "Non-Mom" category still focuses on "grandparent, neighbor, step mom, or mom to adopted or foster children, each one raising and loving a child" but, in my opinion, NBC is really missing the boat here because they are forgetting one integral piece; the birth mother.                                  

I am an adoptive mom, Ahem, MOM, of one very special little boy from Russia and my husband and I are in the process of adopting our second son from Guatemala. I have never in my course of motherhood NOT considered myself a mother because I did not physically give birth to my son.

The right to choose schools

A recent post by Foodmomiac really got me thinking about my son's education. He's only two, but in the next couple of years we will have to decide where he will attend school. I happen to live in the same school district as Foodmomiac, and I hate to say it, but the neighborhood school is low on my list of school considerations.

I do believe that the new principal is fantastic. I thought his recent crisis communications were spot on. I know that the parents who send their kids to the school are involved and helpful.  Many of them live on my block. It's just that I don't know how comfortable I am sending my son to a public school in the nation's third largest city.  I'm not averse to public schooling in the right setting - I am a product of public school.  However, I attended school in a suburb of Detroit, where everyone's biggest worry was what kind of car their parents would get them at age 16.  Now I'm not saying this is the kind of existence I want my son to have, but part of me, the part that can afford it (for now) knows that for however long we can provide it for him, a private school education is well worth the money.

Not Just A Mom

....cross posted from our sister site, Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

It always seems around this time of the year, that I ponder the whole motherhood thing. I go back and forth between feeling powerful in the role of being a mother and powerless at how moms are perceived...But this year has been different on many levels..

Yesterday as I was talking with a group of people at a family running event, one of the dads mentioned his wife to me and said something to the effect of "Just a mom". He was actually complementing how amazing his wife was to give up a career to be a mom, but it hit a nerve with me. Feeling the power of my parent blogger network and specifically one of the pledges in the back of Maria Shriver's book "Just Who You Will Be?', I said in a clear and steady voice "Never say Just". To confirm another reason why this year is different, a fellow mom friend of mine standing in the group said "Yeah, you are talking to a mom who blogs and was just interviewed on Forbes.com".

heh.....

I wondered why it took being a gadget obsessed mom interviewed by mainstream media about being a gadget obsessed mom to feel validated on a new level. But the secret to my sense of power is not only in the interview, it is in the "Groundswell". Charlene Li a fellow Silicon Valley Moms Blogger and co-author of the book defined Groundswell as the "social trend where people use technologies to get things they need from each other, rather then from traditional institutions like corporations".

Click Here to continue reading this post on Silicon Valley Moms Blog.....

Not Sharing Mother's Day

This is the first year in 30 something years where I won't be spending Mother's Day with my mom.  No, no - it's not like that; my parents decided to up and move to another state and took 2 of my aunts with them.  As much as I gripe about how overbearing my mother is, I have to say that Mother's Day without her is a little - well - weird.  This is my first eggroll-less Mother's Day.

It is also the first time since I became a mother that I don't have to split Mother's Day between 2 mother (mine and my husbands) and the first one that I don't have to share.  One would think that it would be a great feeling.  Today I can do anything that I want because it's MY Mother's Day.  Uh yeah right.  It didn't turn out that way.

Chickenpox Anyone?

I never vaccinated my children for the chickenpox.  Five years ago, when the doctor suggested we vaccinate Eva with the varicella vaccine, I objected for three reasons.  First, I believed the vaccine was too new and not tested enough; second, I didn't  think chickenpox was so bad;  third, it is a live virus  with some unusual ingredients.  Some of these ingredients include guinea pig DNA and fetal bovine serum.   On page 103 of  Dr. Robert Sears' new book, The Vaccine Book, he lists "[r]esidual components of the Merck human diploid cells, including DNA and proteins from the cells."  On the following page, Sears points out,"some parents find it a little odd to inject unknown human DNA into a baby."

The pediatrician had no objection to my objection, but warned me that Illinois would require Eva to have the vaccination in order to attend school.  One day without warning, Eva's skin erupted with red angry bumps.  She had contracted the chickenpox!  Eva was twenty months at the time and doesn't remember it at all today.  Two miserable nights later, she was comfortable again.  During those two nights, I felt incredibly guilty.  I knew that even vaccinated children often catch the virus, but a much milder version.  Eva was miserable because we had decided not to get her vaccinated.  Today, looking back, I'm happy she got the chickenpox naturally.    She will never have to worry about catching it again.  She will never need the boosters today's children are going to need, probably for the rest of their lives.

Charlie just finished his bout with the chickenpox.  For him, I was much more proactive.  I took him to a Chickenpox Party to intentionally infect him with the virus.  You may be asking, "What is a Chickenpox Party?"  It is exactly what you think it is.  I took little Charlie over to a sick child's house to play.  The mom volunteering her home and her pox-marked child, Jeffrey, provided the organic lollipops.  "Charlie, let's give little Jeffrey a taste of your lollipop."  I suggested.   After little Jeffrey took a lick, I handed it back to Charlie.  Charlie put it in his mouth.  The deed was done.  I had intentionally inflicted my child with a virus.  Am I a terrible mother?

The Server is Down: My First Mother's Day

Poor Kevin has had a hard time figuring out what to get me for this, my first Mother's Day as a mother.  He had planned to surprise me with a few nights at a B&B, so that I could actually write some fiction for a change -- since the semester started, I've had no time for anything other than teaching / baby / housework, and if I don't get to write fiction at least once a week, I start going a little crazy.  I get tense and angry at the world in general and Kevin in particular and sometimes I cry for no reason.  It's not good, and I keep trying to squeeze out a little time, but somehow, there just isn't any.  It's been a month since I got fiction writing done.

I should be thrilled with my life right now; I have everything I've ever wanted.  Loving partner, adorable child, part-time work I enjoy, and a passion for writing -- except that even though Kevin takes care of half the cooking, grocery shopping, dishes and childcare, there's still no time left for the passion for writing -- and there hasn't been so much time for passion with the loving partner either.  We tried scheduling Wednesday night sex, but last Wednesday I was too tired and weepy for that.  There just aren't enough hours in the day.

The Power of Women

Hear me roar? That is so not me. Yes, I like to consider myself a confident and strong woman but never felt the need to represent or defend women specifically. Having said that, I recently embraced a more eco friendly lifestyle for my family. One journey that is leading me to open my eyes to the force of the female.

Last night I attended a meeting with the EcoMom Alliance- an amazing organization empowering women to help reduce the climate crisis and create a sustainable future without judgment. (How rare is that!) Aside from the sheer conviction I could feel in the room, I felt a sense of solidarity. I am impressed. Confident in their roles as women and leaders, I didn’t sense a clique within the group or any attitude. Just a group of women eager to learn and make better decisions for their families.

And I realized that is what changed me. Not giving birth, but raising children. It is the day to day reality of them. These precious little human beings with complex thoughts and sometimes brutal, sometimes beautiful raw emotion. Their development and ultimate potential rests in not only in what I feed them physically, but what I feed them emotionally. It depends on my responses to their (at times relentless) questions, my non verbal communication and my attitude towards others. It’s like looking in the mirror. And what do I see?

An Open Letter to the Chicken Nugget

....cross posted from our sister site, New Jersey Moms Blog.

Dear Chicken Nugget,

If I had to do a rough estimate, I would say that my sons have eaten a few thousand of you. Considering the fact that you make up an overwhelming percentage of their diet, I thought we should become better acquainted. First, here’s a little about me.

I never wanted to be a chicken nugget mom. In fact, I was hoping to be more of a “get your five servings of organic fruits and veggies every day no matter what or heads will roll” kind of mom. Somewhere along the line, I got terribly lost. It might have had something to do with the fact that my oldest son refused to eat anything that wasn’t you during his toddler years. I mistakenly thought that he would grow out of this phase and eventually he’d try at least one of the dozens of foods I presented to him, but I foolishly underestimated your grasp over his taste buds. For that, I am truly sorry.

Click Here to continue reading this post on New Jersey Moms Blog.....

Katie Couric on her interview with John and Roberta McCain

...cross posted from our sister site, New York City Moms Blog.  Written by Katie Couric.

Hey, it's me again.  First, let me say to PunditMom that I'm so appreciative that you think I get it. Woo!! (Just don’t ask my kids the same question.)

I wanted to tell you about my interview with Sen. John McCain and his mother Roberta.  I must say, I've always thought that you can learn a lot about someone by talking to their mother, and that was definitely the case yesterday.  At 96, Roberta McCain is still as sharp as a tack. 

First, let me say the woman is beautiful.  She is really pretty and I hope I look that good at 56, let alone 96.

One thing that struck me, she is absolutely as straight-talking as her son.  It seems that "maverick" streak runs in the family.  As a college student, Roberta ran off to Tijuana to elope with Senator McCain's father.  She told me she took her school books with her on her honeymoon! It actually reminded me of my honeymoon. I took copies of Jane’s Defence Weekly (they spell it that way) with me because I was going to start reporting from the Pentagon when I returned. My husband told me he hoped that was not the kind of hardware I would focus on…but I digress.

(Click Here to see the YouTube video interview between Katie Couric, John McCain and Roberta McCain).

Roberta has clearly always had a lifelong quest for learning.  She loves museums, and told me that she particularly loves D.C. because the museums are open seven days a week and are completely free.  During 

Click to continue reading on New York City Moms Blog

Hey, Mothers, Leave Them Kids Alone!

I don't know if it's the difference between San Francisco, where we used to live, and the Chicago area, or maybe our recent move to this sort-of suburb, but I have observed something in mommyculture lately that appalled me: Hard-driving mommies. In the under-5 set.

In the past, if I saw something that made me uncomfortable in a parent, it was the mom wailing on her kid in the bathroom of the Laundromat. The kind of case where you know you should probably say something because an innocent child is being hurt.

But you can't exactly say something when an innocent child is being pressured to perform at levels above her age, and is likely embarking on a lifetime of parental pushing. Can you?

In both cases, what good would it do? You're not going to get another mother to change. I guess if you see a real beating in progress, you would try to get the Division of Child and Family Services involved, and  maybe the child would actually be protected.
Can you imagine DCFS taking my call about a kid being overpressured to achieve?

Yet I really feel for these kids as if they are being physically abused. Maybe I'm being overdramatic, and I

 

A Cyclone in Burma, News at 11

[Photo credit: NASA]

I didn't use to be like this. In the old days, I could drive to work, listen to NPR, tune in and tune out as they told me about yet another tragedy in some distant part of the world. Mostly, I was thinking about my own work, or what Kev and I would have for dinner that night, or whether I should call my mother this weekend, instead of waiting for her to call me...all of which took priority in my mind over those distant heartbreaks.

Not anymore. Not since I had a child.

Thank you!

Springtime has a certain effect on us, doesn't it? The rebirth of the world brings to mind hope of peace, change, and possibility. It reminds us of exactly why we do what we do. It reminds me, with every fresh flower and blade of grass, that nothing is permament, and all mistakes will eventually fade into oblivion.

I've been feeling very blessed lately. I've been touched with moments of gratitude and amazement at this community I've found online. I'm grateful for the era that I am living in. An era where mothers, women, human beings are connecting via the web. An era where a new friend may be just a click away.

After watching the Today show, featuring some of my favorite mommy bloggers, I realized how blessed I truly feel, to be a part of this community...

When Enough Is Enough

I was watching Oprah yesterday when Barbara Walters, of all people (I can't stand her), says something that just struck me to my core. She was talking about her special needs sister and how hard it is for parents of children with autism and that, although they love their children and would do anything for them, sometimes they think "it's just too much."

It's just too much.

I tear up as I even type that right now because really, what is so difficult about saying, "it's just too much" ? Why do I feel like I can't say it out loud when that's really how I feel? And so I did. I said it out loud. And it felt good. I am not the parent of a child with autism. I have been through my share of rough times. But it's just life in general right now that is overwhelming me. Whether it be as a Mother, wife, friend, or plain ol' human being. And I feel like I should pull up my big girl panties and just get over it. Toughen up. Get through the day. But I'm wiped out. I'm exhausted. I'm barely making it through the day and I have to say that this is no way to live, just barely getting by. I've had enough.

Whip It Out

I breastfed my son.

Or, at least, I tried.

Whatever that mysterious thing is where milk "comes in"? Mine never did that. I tried everything. No, really. Before anyone gets on their high horse to tell me what I didn't do? You're wrong. I did do that. TWICE.

So I hung a bag of formula around my neck, taped the tubes to my nipples, and sort-of breastfed. For 6 months.

Now, if you think it's hard to actually breastfeed, let me tell you. "Almost breastfeeding"? Is 80 times more challenging - especially in public.

Where people would stop, LOOK DOWN MY SHIRT, and ask... "What's that Thing? What are you DOING?"

What My Blogging Can Do, What It Cannot

The upper elementary students were writing with chalk on the sidewalks and steps in front of Mia's Montessori school last week. I got a closer look and saw the marks weren't doodles or random scribbles - the children were transcribing stirring quotes as part of a poetry project.

One child had written E.M. Forster's words: “How do I know what I think until I see what I say?” That idea stuck with me all day. It reminded me of what I used to tell my high school students: "We write to learn." These days, as a mother and a blogger, I understand even more that writing about our crazy world can help us to understand the experience, to name it, to give it order and the shape of a story.

Although most mom bloggers are familiar with guilty twinges from too much time spent in front of our keyboards, I'd venture to argue that blogging can help us be better mothers because it can help make sense of the controlled chaos that is family life. Advice columnist Cary Tennis says "Writing is like a sixth sense used to apprehend a reality not detected by the other five." Sometimes I look at the debris of a tantrum (occasionally mine) and I ask myself, "What the f-- just happened?" Then I write about it. And the writing helps me figure it out.

Watch Now: MomBloggers On The Today Show

If you missed mombloggers on the Today Show live, watch here, and find out just how influential bloggers and YOU readers are!

Summer Plans

It's going to be a busy summer at my house this year.  I have a three-year-old son and a two-year-old daughter and I have a plan they may or may not embrace.  You can help.

Have any of you ever tried potty learning (I don't like to call it "training") two children at the same time?  Well, I'm going to attempt it.  I'm also going to transition them both to toddler beds AND try to get them to give up their nummies (pacifiers).  Now, I am no idiot.  I know I can't throw my kids into a whirlwind of change all at the same time.  I plan on it being gradual, even making them think these are their own ideas.  I may just be asking for trouble, but a Mom has to try, right?

The soundtrack of motherhood

I just read a great post about feeling trapped by motherhood, something most of us struggle with every now and again*. Betsy at MOMformation writes that she reflects on the Talking Heads song, Once in a Lifetime. This song is part of my Motherhood Soundtrack as well. It often runs through my mind, especially as I inch my way toward the big 4-0. How did I get here?

When I was home with my boys, back when they were about young- meaning I'd been with them for the better part of 24/7/365 (x 5)- I was getting a bit stir crazy. I definitely felt I'd lost myself in the mess and monotony of motherhood.