50-something Moms Blog

Maybe Not Segregated Drinking Fountains, But Didn't They Stop the Whole Thing When We Were Kids

When I saw the story about the Philadelphia country club that threw out a group of African-American kids, I was devastated.  Thanks to EJ Graff, I found a link to local news video of the event - and children whose faces could have been on kids in Selma or Little Rock  forty years ago.  There were tears, and anger, and shame.  As I watched the video, I kept thinking "No.  Not now.  Not still."

Think about it.  These kids were in a summer program to keep them busy and productive.  The camp had paid the club in advance for once-a-week swim privileges.  Yet not only were they asked to leave, they were told not to return.  Their money was refunded.  According to one report, the club's president said "There was concern that a lot of kids would change the complexion … and the atmosphere of the club." (AP quoting local TV)

Remembering The Fantasticks and Jerry Orbach - and Moving Life Online

Way back in 2006, I wrote a post on my personal blog about The Fantasticks.  (You remember, don't you?)  Today, for reasons you don't want to know, I was reviewing much of my early work and tripped over this post.  It seems so appropriate to all of us, to the summer and, well, I just felt like passing it on.   Did this wonderful show do the same things to you?

OK - so I should be used to it by now.  I've been -- as I often say -- a walking demographic Baby Boomer as long as I can remember.  But on the morning after the re-opening of THE FANTASTICKS*  - which ran off-Broadway for 42 years, I read a piece about "adults 55+ adapting online."  Of course we are -- sooner or later whatever I'm doing becomes part of a generational wave.

Don't worry - there IS a connection.

Way back in 2006, I wrote a post on my personal blog about The Fantasticks.  (You remember, don't you?)  Today, for reasons you don't want to know, I was reviewing much of my early work and tripped over this post.  It seems so appropriate to all of us, to the summer and, well, I just felt like passing it on.   Did this wonderful show do the same things to you?

OK - so I should be used to it by now.  I've been -- as I often say -- a walking demographic Baby Boomer as long as I can remember.  But on the morning after the re-opening of THE FANTASTICKS*  - which ran off-Broadway for 42 years, I read a piece about "adults 55+ adapting online."  Of course we are -- sooner or later whatever I'm doing becomes part of a generational wave.

Don't worry - there IS a connection.

Loving the Millennials

A few weeks ago, here in Washington, I was on a conference panel with two women whose combined ages were less than mine.  They had invited me to join them to talk about women, technology and generational communication.  It was great.

Much has been made of the tensions between us "Fifty-Somethings" (and higher) and these younger folks and I think it's sad.  We're all worried about the economy, no matter how old we are.  But did you know that for many many young people their social security tax is far higher than their income taxes?  That they have grave doubts about their futures?  And assume none of the benefits due us (soon, for me) will have evaporated by the time they're in their 60's?  Can't blame them for being testy.

Remember when we were in our twenties?  We thought we could do whatever we wanted, and many of us did.  Some of these younger people will have that chance, sure, but many more will make their way with great difficulty.  All that was true before the crash.  Now it's much worse.

Hysterectomy Memories

I had a hysterectomy when I was close to 40.  I almost never think about it; it relieved decades of cramps and clots and leaks and misery, I I had two kids and knew we couldn't afford more if we stayed in Manhattan, and my doctor had made it clear that I had no choice - the cells looked like they might turn into something dangerous.  So why think of it today?  I stopped by BlogHer recently and landed on a post by mamaneena about her own surgery and her thoughts and prayers as she awaited anesthesia. 

Of course, it brought back memories of those days.  For some reason I was terrified that I'd never wake up from the anesthesia.  Not rational -- didn't matter.  I was afraid I would traumatize my sons.  And I did NOT want visitors, especially not the kids.  I didn't want them to see me weak and in pain and drugged. 

The afternoon before, we went out for a late lunch and then we checked me in.  My husband and the boys surprised me with a teddy bear in a sweater vest and bow tie.  They all solemnly hugged it so I would have their hugs with me as I waited.  And then I was alone in my room with my bear, sad and scared and worried.

Being a Baby Boomer Is Not a Bad Thing

An old friend called me the day after the Inaugural concert, to tell me she’d been reduced to tears as she watched the nearly 90-year-old  Pete Seeger, who, in addition to his later Civil Rights and anti-Vietnam War work, helped organize labor unions and came from Woody Guthrie’s generation, singing alongside Bruce Springsteen, who truly does speak for today’s blue collar Americans.  One took the old words of We Shall Overcome and Ecclesiastes and made them into anthems, and created two of the greatest kids’ songs ever:  Abiyoyo and Sam the Whaler.  The other, with Born in the USA, My Hometown and so many others, has given voice to so much.

As they stood together at the Lincoln Memorial in celebration of the Inauguration of Barack Obama, they represented, to me all that I had believed and tried to help bring into being.  To many, though, they were "the ultimate in subtly old-left populism."  Speaking about the concert early Sunday before it began, I kept talking about Bruce.  A younger friend gently suggested that he was probably not the day's headliner.  That would be Beyonce Knowles, she said.  And Beyonce was magnificent.  And lovely.  And young.

2008 and 1968 -- One More Time

Do you remember 1968?  I graduated from college that year; our reunion slogan was "1968: the Year that Changed the World."  I guess it did.  On my office wall is the poster from a photography show in Prague in 1998.  It included photos of demonstrations and events all over the world that year; activity was no way limited to the U.S. even though most of us tend to think of it that way.  I've spent much of this year chronicling parallels between 1968n and the present - all through very personal recollections.  Here are some of them.

Passing the Torch --Kind Of

Something's been stuck in my heart.  Postbama depression maybe.  Or reality setting in.  Or sadness that, after having spent so much of my life working in one way or another to make good things happen, and being flattened by the horror that (I believe) was the Bush years, I will be less involved than I have ever been before.  I've been a part of, or covered, every new administration since Nixon, after all.

From the beginning of this election I've said, and meant, that my early support for President-Elect Obama was based not only on his excellence, discipline and inclusive call to action, but also because I honestly believed - and believe - that it is time for a new generation of Americans to take the helm,  just as it was when John Kennedy was elected, when we anti-war and progressive "kids" worked (unsuccessfully) to advance the candidacy of Senator Eugene McCarthy and later, when boomer Bill Clinton took the helm.    It was how I felt when I wrote about Obama's Berlin speech, about the significance of the Obama convention speech and the remarkable fact that it occurred on the anniversary of Dr. King's famous 1963 speech, about what it was like to be young and devastated when Robert Kennedy was assassinated.  And now it's happened - and some less glorious feelings have joined the pride and sense that justice has been done.

A perfect baby present

Where I live, there are lots of young families.  That means there are lots of babies.  That means baby presents.  These days, parents register like a bride and groom and get what they need.  Somehow though I just can't bring myself, with people I like a lot, to follow the register.  It's probably really arrogant to do what I want instead of what's been asked for, but I send music.

There's another reason, too.  Because I live in a community with many Orthodox Jewish families, popular culture is not automatically a part of childhood.  Some didn't grow up with Pete Seeger, or Raffi, or any of the classic CDs our kids had. 

And then, of course, there's Free to Be, You and Me.

Created by Marlo Thomas and Letty Cottin Pogrebin in 1972, it was designed to be a source of gender-free children's music and stories - and later became a TV special.   It succeeded.  "Parents Are people, people with children,"  "It's alright to cry, "Free to be, you and me"  -- all of them were anthems for so many childhoods.  And except for the one about the little boy who wanted a doll (I think that battle is mostly over) it's still timely.  So, boy or girl, many a child in our community receives the CD from us.  Mostly, they love it.  Except.

One daddy, whom I asked before I sent it, describing William wanting a doll and Rosey Grier singing about how OK it was to cry -- well he wasn't having any.  I guess I knew he wouldn't be interested and that's why I asked, but I'm a little sad about it.  Thirty-somethings I know who did grow up with the record loved it.  And as far as they, and my own sons are concerned - well, they're going to be magnificent, engaged fathers.  I hate for them to miss it.  Their call though.

So if you know about the arrival of some new little people, and they already have enough onesies and sleep sacs and Busy Boxes, send them a little propaganda.  Parents  are people, after all.  It's not like you're promising that all the princesses will marry their princes and live happily ever after or anything....

The "Great Depression" Offers Many Lessons About Families and Sarah Palin, Too

When I was growing up, the Depression haunted us.  We were a comfortable, happy family, but my parents were young and I think really affected by that time.  When financial decisions or risks came up, the scars of those days informed every family conversation as well as what we ate, what we wore, where we shopped, when and how we took vacations, what we "needed" vs what we "wanted. "   My mom wouldn't talk about her own life then; my dad told us stories about all the jobs he had at college, even with a scholarship, and how the "rich New York boys" mocked and tormented him.  Sometimes I think I majored in American Studies,  at least partly to understand this very difficult chapter in our history.    I needed to know more about it not only as a student but also as a daughter. 

I've talked about all this before - seeing my dad so very worried when any of us made a job change or took any professional risk that might jeopardize job security; neither parent buying many luxuries or treats for themselves and both careful about waste and excess.  I felt it too.  I still read menus from the price to the item, skipping the ones that are too expensive.  Ditto with price tags on clothes.  I've always clipped coupons and bought things on sale, shopped at big box stores and always, always read the unit prices of things. Our financial adviser has set our entire retirement strategy around my anxieties, which served us well since just 50% or so of our money is in stock and the rest more protected.  He told me he believed in investments that let people sleep at night.  And, since my husband is in law school (yes, he's already a doctor) we've gotten rid of our second car and are being careful of our spending and as far as I can tell so are my kids.

Do We Need to Protect Birth Control?

I'm doing a project right now on the current threats to birth control access including the current administration's efforts to reclassify some contraceptives and legitimize refusal to dispense them at pharmacies or prescribe them in clinics..  It would be done through HHS regulations.  We know that current insurance policies often pay to cover Viagra but not birth control pills.  We know that right now states are battling pharmacists who refuse to dispense birth control pills OR to send women on to a pharmacy that will.  We know that in Colorado there is a voter referendum to provide human rights to every fertilized egg.  It says: Section 31: Person defined. As used in sections 3, 6, and 25 of Article II of the state constitution, the terms “person” or “persons” shall include any human being from the moment of fertilization.  The ideas both of the Bush administration and of much of the McCain rhetoric would withdraw access to the protection, planning and prevention of pregnancy from most current forms of contraception.