Miley is NOT a Role Model - And That's OK

It's been a bad year for our children's TV role models.

First, 16-year-old Nickelodeon star Jamie Lyn Spears (“Zoey 101”) became pregnant. And last week, the media was abuzz that Miley Cyrus, Disney's current golden girl, posed "topless" for famed photographer Annie Leibovitz in Vanity Fair.

Maybe it’s just the fact that I live in Los Angeles and have seen worse, but I thought the photo - a pretty typical Leibovitz portrait depicting the tousle-haired young star on a bed, clad only by a sheet - was only mildly provocative. For one thing, when I hear a woman described as “topless,” I’m thinking full-frontal. A more accurate word to describe her nudity level would be “backless.” A bathing suit reveals more skin. So do most of the dresses worn by stars to awards shows.

But never mind. News reports went out implying that Disney star Miley Cyrus had done a porn shoot, and it spawned a media frenzy. The general consensus seemed to be that Miley let down her young fans. The uproar caused bloggers and pundits to condemn Miley’s parents, her handlers, and Ms. Leibovitz. It caused Miley to issue an apology to her fans. And it probably sold a lot of magazines.

It is easy to play the blame game; to charge the media with exploiting children, or to make assumptions about the irresponsibility of a young performer’s parents. I’m not going to do that here. I know several families that include a child with talent and passion for acting, music or dance.

I know from experience how difficult it is to walk the line between nurturing your child’s interests and helping her find balance in her life. My own daughter is a competitive gymnast, and I’ve endured plenty of snide comments from other parents who do not understand how I can allow her to train a whopping 16 hours per week. When your child discovers she has a talent for something she loves and you DON’T encourage her to pursue it, will she grow up always wondering “what IF?”

Perhaps the problem is US, for allowing our children to look up to TV stars as role models.

Hannah Montana and Zoey Brooks are just characters; fantasies created by adults for children. Zack and Cody do not live in a luxury suite in a four-star hotel populated by idiotic adults and other wacky kids. iCarly does not do a webcast from an apartment she shares with her older brother. And the actors who portray these characters do not lead their fantastic lives.

Show biz kids don’t lead lives like ours, either.

Miley and Jamie Lyn (and Dylan and Cole Sprouse, Miranda Cosgrove and all the other young stars of children’s television) are professionals who have been working since they were very young. They may be kids and they may have friends and lives outside of show business, but it’s not the stuff of a Disney Channel sitcom. They are expected to exhibit the dedication of performers who are years older. They show up on time, learn their lines, do as they’re told… and they have to look cute, too. Hopefully, they receive quality on-set tutoring (as required by law for young performers) and get to attend actual schools when their shows are on hiatus .

The more successful ones earn so much money that they end up supporting their families (despite current California law that states that 100% of a child’s earnings belong to the child). Their parents often serve as their managers. This makes sense, as guiding a child to the Hollywood A-list is a full-time job.

If you’re the parent of a child performer, you have to be able to drop everything at a moment’s notice to chauffeur your kid across town to a cattle-call audition. You have to watch your child on the set. You have to shuttle him to classes, photography sessions, meetings and personal appearances. As this is unpredictable, most kids in Hollywood have at least one parent who had to give up a regular paying job in order to do this. The parent, who is the only one legally able to sign a contract, becomes the child’s employee.

When he lands those roles, you have to be there. You need to be sure your child is being treated right. You need to be sure your child is doing the work (I know how much I have to nag mine to get started on her homework; imagine if your kid is on a hit show and is getting new versions of the script every night – which must be memorized anew).

You need to watch and coordinate the other people on your child’s payroll (because a star of Miley Cyrus’ magnitude must also employ agents, managers, and accountants – as well as an entire entourage to produce her live singing shows).

You need to worry about the future. Hollywood lore is rife with tales of talented child performers who outgrew their cuteness – and casting director usefulness. Most children have a very short career window. Those who are determined to remain in the public eye must plan for the difficult transition to adult roles.

Academy Award winner Jodie Foster was the subject of outrage in 1976, when she played a child prostitute in “Taxi Driver.” Brooke Shields’s early career was fueled by one public outcry after another, beginning when she burst into the nation’s consciousness as a 12-year-old prostitute (child hookers seem to be a popular theme here) in “Pretty Baby,” then with her memorable ads for Calvin Klein Jeans and her romp on a deserted tropical isle in “Blue Lagoon.”

Most kids don’t make an easy trasition. For every Jodie Foster and Brooke Shields, you have dozens of performers who fall by the wayside: Brad Renfro. Macauley Culkin. Health Ledger. Gary Coleman, Todd Arnold and Dana Plato (The three child stars of 70’s sitcom “Diff’rent Strokes”).

Drew Barrymore famously hit bottom and dug herself out. The jury is still out for the tremendously talented Lindsay Lohan. It’s become a major sport in my city to follow poor Britney Spears’ struggle with mental illness.

Where do you draw the line? How do you help your children navigate growing up when they are in the public eye? And can you plan to give up the limelight and the income, should your kid grow up and decide to live a “normal” life? How do you define “normal” when you’ve earned several million dollars before you’ve turned 16?

Several years ago, I had the pleasure of interviewing Paul Petersen, who played Donna Reed’s teenage son in the hit 1960’s TV series bearing her name. Petersen spoke passionately of the pain he felt when the series ended, causing him to lose his TV “family” (who were almost as close to him as his real family), and he went back to living a “normal” life. The only problem is, once you have tasted fame and fortune, you’re never truly “normal.”

Today, Petersen runs A Minor Consideration, an organization that advocates for the rights of child performers. He has written books about his experience and those of others, and he DOES have a lot to say about the responsibility that stage parents have to help their children navigate Hollywood’s shark-infested waters:

“When a career starts to take off there is an undeniable pressure to push and push again. 'Strike while the iron is hot,' is the catch phrase. It takes a diamond-tough character…or years of witnessing bitter experience…to resist the pressures that come from Agents, anxious for their 10%, or Managers eager to pocket their 15%, especially when the manager is a Parent. There is a fifty-year history of young females, for example, suddenly shedding their clothes so they appear more “grown up.” Sherry Jackson, the gorgeous daughter in The Danny Thomas Show, took this route in 1957. In fact, it’s more than pushing the child into so-called adult behaviors (as if there is anything adult about baring all); it’s pushing a youngster into an endless work cycle for which they are not emotionally equipped…because they are a child.”

No, I’m not going to judge Miley’s parents or any of the others pursuing the Hollywood dream for their children. I’ll leave that to those who have been there.

As for this incident, I think it’s a lot to do about little.

Original Los Angeles Moms Blog post, cross-posted at 50-Something Moms by Donna Schwartz Mills. Read more of her take on crazy Southern California life at her personal blog, SoCal Mom.