My menses is saying "Goodbye"

Well, it's finally happened. I skipped a period. My menses is on its way out and I am on my way to menopause. Or, am I already there? It's quite confusing, actually. There's premenopause, perimenopause, menopause, and postmenopause. I mean, do we really need so many pauses? Who can keep track? Why can't we just say "our periods are on their way out?" Seems simple enough.

I have mixed feelings about my periods ending. I am at once sad and glad. My relationship with my menses has been a tumultuous one throughout the years. Sometimes I felt close to her  and identified with her, other times she was like a stranger to me. I have experienced many different feelings towards, depending on what my goal in life was at a particular time, how I was feeling, how young I was, etc.

Sometimes I looked forward to my periods ending, what with all the moodiness, tampons, underwear that had to be thrown away because I wasn't prepared when my period started, cramps, etc. Sometimes I viewed my period as that part of me that made me female, and desirable. Then there were the times during the 10 years I was trying to get pregnant when she felt like the enemy. A missed period signified

that I wasn't pregnant. For a woman who is trying to get pregnant this is the worst kind of period to have. Every month she and I "danced" around each other waiting to see who would win this time. And for ten long years, she won every month.

During the years I was trying to get pregnant my period felt like a stalker, hiding in the shadows, lurking around,  reminding me that she was still there...waiting to pounce on me and ruin my plans for everlasting happiness. She definitely had the "upper hand." Until one day I filed a restraining order against her, went for my last IVF treatment, got pregnant, and ended her reign over me, though not her presence. But now when she comes I no longer feel threatened by her.

I guess she's old and tired now. She no longer has the same pizzazz when she shows up. She just kind of slinks in, then slinks out, not staying the full 5 days she used to when she was younger. It's been a long, hard battle over the years and we've had our ups and downs. She is, without a doubt, the one who made it possible for me to have my darling children and I am grateful to her. I guess she deserves to slow down a little. Eventually, she will simply not "show up" anymore and I will have lost another dear friend. In the meantime, I will enjoy my last phase with her as she surprises me, sometimes showing up, sometimes not. (She still has the upper hand, doesn't she?) I will miss her when she's gone.

Original post on 50-something Moms Blog.

Other places where Cheryl writes:
New Mom Central
Silicon Valley Moms Blog
Betty Confidential
Type-A Mom
Gemini Crickets Blog

Comments

[akakarma]

It's a strange journey isn't it?

[svmom3]

Love your imagery. Mine, too, has started playing hide and seek. Like what the heck was this month, she showed up twice, when I thought for sure I didn't have to pack "supplies" for vacation.

[Leslie]

Trust me, when Aunt Flo is MIA for a couple of months you'll miss the hell out of her...you'll feel like one foot is on accelerator and the other is on the clutch and any slight out of snyc movement will pop it and stall the car. It will make you wish there was a magic hormone pump like those do-it-yourself morphine machines that your could self-administer to bring her for a quick visit, just long enough to make the top of your head stop feeling like it's going to blow off.